Ovaltine

I have daily breakfast duty at my school. It's a real treat. The smell alone in the cafeteria sufficiently stifles my appetite for at least 6 hours. This morning a child threatened to dump her carton of strawberry milk down my leg again. She got me real good before winter break--my sock and shoe were soaking wet for hours. Although I have to say that it beats having syrup dripped down your pants. I disliked that very much.

Today after the morning bell rang I was left supervising one dawdling little seven-year old. She is the long lost poster child for "ragamuffin." No front teeth, mismatched rumpled clothing, wild tangling hair, speech impediment....the whole bit. Anyway, she opened her chocolate milk, took a big gulp, scrunched up her face, and yelled, "This tastes like horse shit!"

"Excuse me?" I whipped around. She repeated it.

It was a full minute later before I figured out that she was trying to say "Hershey's."

Scrunchy face + disdainful tone + "hoorshee" = horse shit, no? Apparently not. And thankfully so, because I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face to reprimand her for such a comment anyway.

That's it.

Bartleby, the Scrivener

I received an email tonight from a current student studying at my undergraduate college. She indicated that she was contacting me because she was interested in knowing how I had transitioned as an English Literature student firmly embedded in the world of academia to a working professional. She was seeking some worldly advice, as she found herself in the exact same position in which I had been upon pending graduation (please note: As a former English major, I never end a sentence in a preposition). "Worldly" being a synonym for my name, I am, of course, the perfect person to provide such advice.

Let's see. How do I use my undergraduate degree? Well, I read books occasionally (and by books, I mean celebrity magazines). And, I write. This blog, for example, is a direct application of the hard-earned money my parents so generously bestowed upon the advancement of my impressionable young mind. Amazing, right? Oh, but she wants to know how the degree can help her find a JOB in the REAL WORLD?

After further consideration, perhaps I shall just pretend as if I never received her email.

Speaking of job, I had better get back to writing my self-evaluation for my impending assessment, or yours truly might be back to pondering the same question as my new little college friend.

LB

This is LB, my sister and B's new little rodent, er, puppy. When he's not biting your face or pissing all over your floor, he's actually somewhat adorable.

This is his first reaction to the crazy ball Suzanne gifted to him (can't imagine why she'd want to get rid of it...) We'd never heard him growl or bark before. Guess when you're 3 pounds, a talking golfball would be intimidating.

2010

this year i realized that instead of fighting against it

i might just need to see it from a different angle

for it to make any sense.

we all find a way :)

Aeronautics

Can't believe it's that time AGAIN! Ever diligent, I am sitting down to write my New Year's resolutions. I have to say I did fairly good on last year's....graduated from my master's program top of my class (yeah, I'm bragging) while managing to not get fired from my daytime job, thankfully received several counseling job offers, accepted a job at an amazing elementary school in the county I wanted, ran in a 5k, got a (slight) suntan, and, generally speaking, complained less than usual. It was a good/lucky year! I did not, however, even attempt to kick my caffeine addiction (coffee is my soulmate), locate my abdominal muscles, or manage to stop cursing. Well shit, who's perfect? Rollover resolutions...

Next up, goals for 2010!
Here goes:

Buy a house
Put down the donuts
Stop cursing
Expand my school's counseling program
Run another race
Cook a meal
Make (or pay someone to be) a friend
Find a new volunteering opportunity

Grow a backbone
Buy or steal a bicycle
Write more poetry
Learn to clean or at least better hide dirt

Well, that oughtta do it. It's a tall order, but I'm up to the challenge. For the first time in quite a while, I felt productive and accomplished in 2009.

By the way, you are all welcome to come to visit us in our new house (when and if such plans come to fruition). Keep in mind you will likely be asked to paint a room, supply and install a sleek new lighting fixture, build us a deck, or landscape our property should you pop by the new abode......you know, the type of small, not atypical requests made of houseguests. In exchange, you will be offered private use of the entire ground floor for your comfort and leisure. Please note, however, that as we are all aware, the cost of heating a home is considerably high these days, and quite frankly this just doesn't fit into our budget. Please dress accordingly (and bring food--I don't cook). I'm expecting an outpouring of visitors, so you are advised to schedule with me in advance.

Happy New Year!

How Can We Be?

Now that my pretty little carpet has once again been urinated upon, I'm reminded that I haven't updated in a while. Last week I received my first holiday gift: a mug that says "Dentist." This gem was lovingly bestowed upon me by an adorable seven-year-old, who smiled sheepishly and proclaimed that she'd picked it out especially for me. How fitting. By the way, I'm closing the office for the holidays, so if you find yourself in need of an emergency root canal, it's not my problem.

Today I received a handmade card that said, "Happy Hanukkah," with a picture of Santa Claus beneath it.

I kid, but the mug and card are proudly displayed in my office--I truly appreciate both and love, love, love the children in my school. I have picked out more than a dozen I'd take home with me in a second.

Ok, I need to get back to pondering "how we all got here" so that I can get back to an anxious six-year-old with some sort of intelligible (or cop-out) answer.

Bye.

P.S. A young child walked out of my office a few weeks ago declaring that the hallway was "moist." How to respond?

Going Going Gone

I am truly a model of dedication to serving the little people. Yesterday I spent over 30 minutes combing the hallway for a lost tooth. The poor girl had quite literally lost her tooth. Somehow while being closely examined by another six-year-old friend (eww) on the way to the nurse, the tooth slipped out of her hand and skid across the floor. Feeling mighty guilty, the friend was found doing quite an impressive split while frantically searching for the lost enamel gem. Of course the hallways have been cleverly designed to disguise dirt and any sort of small object with their multicolored speckled tiles. I ran to the custodian to borrow a broom so that I could try to sweep it up. Despite a valiant search with the giant broom, several minutes of crawling around on hands and knees, recruitment of kindergarten teachers, second grade students, and the assistant principal, the tooth was not found. Devastated, the first grader slumped back to her classroom sans the necessary evidence to present to the Toothfairy. I decided to write a quick note to her parents, explaining the situation, including, "I suspect that the Toothfairy will understand." I tossed and turned all night wondering if indeed the Toothfairy had graciously left a monetary gift despite the lack of usual exchange. Or perhaps my little friend awoke to find merely a note scribbled, "No deal."

You never know....in my experience the Toothfairy was rather unpredictable. I once received a fake coin (in exchange for the fake tooth my sister and I hid). Often I received an admonishing note indicating that my tooth was not up to cleanliness standards. You just never knew.