Tis the Season...

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!! What a lovely, sunny day.

I watched A Christmas Story 1.5 times on tv today. I might watch it again tonight.

We spent the past few days visiting Bec in Virginia (Go Navy!), and then my parents came down (finally) to spend time with us in our now not-so-new anymore apartment ;) Twas all around a grand 'ole time, but now I'm exhausted from eating too many sweets and lying around watching movies. 'Tis the season.....for a double chin, as I say. Aw heck, that's what New Year's resolutions are for, right? Eat that fruitcake. Actually, it's narsty. Don't.

Speaking of which, I need to write out my resolutions (yes, I actually write them). I write down new things I did/learned in the previous year as well as what I hope to accomplish in the upcoming year.

Here's all I have so far.

In 2007, I:
*Got married
*(Nearly) Conquered my fear of shots/needles
*Realized that eating seafood is not entirely unpleasant
*Made a friend
*Enhanced my repertoire of dance moves
*Started graduate school
*Gained a better appreciation for classical music
*Moved from one overpriced area to another
*Discovered the location of Laos on a world map
*Started a blog (lame)

Tribute to Ant-tea

Yay! She won the Volunteer of the Year award out of everyone in our company! Aww, I'm so proud :) Ah yes, another year at the company prom. Last night was fun.

Everyone looks funny here doin crazy dance moves. Who are these people?

Heck Yes I Did

Made it through my first semester back in school!

The Good Life

This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-hearted. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one's potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It involves launching oneself fully into the stream of life. . . The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.

--Carl Rogers

Happy Hanukkah!

Our New Menorah


Happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate! It's awfully early this year, but this freezing weather and yesterday's dumping of snow sure made it feel more like holiday time. Happy, healthy, and bright holiday season to all!

Excited to go home this weekend!! One more final paper to write, two exams, and then I'm done for a month. Woohoo!

Reflection

Today was one of those days where I felt pretty badly, questioned myself profusely, but found that at the end of the day things kind of made sense (unlike this sentence). I wrote about it in my head, wrote about it on paper, and geez, now here I go again.

I felt really badly after my presentation in class today, not because of how I thought I did (although that stunk too), but because of something I said. When I feel that I've done something to someone else that's unacceptable or wrong, if only by my own standards and even if the other person is completely unaffected, I feel it everywhere. In my gut, in my head. And that's how I know. The human conscience is so intensely powerful. I think it's what brings us to our knees when we've forgotten ourselves and compels us to make it right, if not this time, then the other times in the future. And although today has been tough, if I don't experience the emotions and question my own motivations, how will I learn? I'm feeling a bit better now (thank you Ali for the much needed talk!), because it has helped me realize a lot about where I am as a beginning counselor, and more importantly, about being true to myself and my character.

Then I came home and we watched The Namesake (rent it!), which really touched me, stirred up a lot inside, and left me crying through most of it. To me it was about finding yourself, the delicate yet messy complication of all the parts that encompass you and the person you are trying so desperately to be.

Even writing this blog has been so cathartic for me these past few months of transition. I'm myself in every line of it, and write on here with no theme or agenda. I can be serious, introspective, silly, tongue-in-cheek, and even release my oh-so-sarcastic side :) It's helped.

hmmm

going. . . . .



going. . . . .



gone.

10 Years Younger....

This morning the nurse at the doctor's office had to use a pediatric needle on me (will I never outgrow it?) to draw blood because my veins are so tiny and greedy and don't want to oblige any request. She pounded on each arm for a few minutes trying to evoke any signs of life in there and said it was easier to find veins in elderly people who are severely dehydrated than in me. Great.

Then later I was picking up food at a restaurant, and the cashier gave me this look and asked me how old I was. (why? I have no idea--wasn't buying alcohol). When I told her, she shook her head, and was like "No way. You can't be older than sixteen." Sorry to disappoint.

Anyway, this kid's ready for a super weekend! So excited to have friends come over tonight and tomorrow. Yay! Less excited to write final papers. Boo.

These past few weeks have been so, so great--I've gotten to see friends who I rarely see anymore due to distance, and it's been sooo much fun!! (but I suck at Guitar Hero). There's something about old friends who've known you forever and love you for all your crazy weirdness and you love them for theirs that makes life so much more full. Being with them is so comforting and wonderful and goofy. I'm really lucky.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I'm so antsyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I can't sit still. Dragged poor hubby with me out in the cold air tonight cuz I needed to walk off my energy. For a long time. He finally made me quit and go back inside once our faces had completely frozen over.

I sat in one place w/o a break for five hours this afternoon working away at an oh-so-tedious last minute task that was due at COB. I had tunnel vision, going through documents trying to reconcile data for a report, and I wouldn't get up til it was all exactly in order. Perfectionist much? Not about most things, but I do get in moods.

So now all I want to do is run around outside!!!

That's all.

What's New is Old

Pug ruined my brand new silk dress. Accident, of course, but I nearly had a heart attack! I'd bought it for myself on a whim last night while Hanukkah shopping (oops), and because it was no drop in bucket I had planned to keep the tags on while getting the opinions of him, my mom, and my sister. I tried it on before bed and asked Pug to get the zipper, not realizing he'd just thoroughly pampered his dry hands with moisturizing lotion. Well he grabbed that dress every inche along the zipper line up the back trying to close it. I know because it now has white lotion stains EVERYWHERE. Yea, not pretty, and bit too Monica Lewinsky-ish looking for my taste. And those darn stains would not come out. So, needless to say, I'm now keeping the dress and will have the unexpected pleasure of paying to dry clean it before I wear it next month. A real joy.

In happier news, we finally hung pictures from our wedding, etc. today. And of course it took forever because everything had to be perfectly straight. We used my prized laser level (which was the most thoughtful gift anyone's ever given me!!) all afternoon. So I was again in my element, and the dress incident is now (almost) forgotten.

The weather is simply beautiful, and we can't wait for tomorrow! Happy, happy Thanksgiving, all! All my love :)

I'm gonna go shopping again. Bye.

Professional Advice

I stopped at Wendy's after school tonight to grab a salad. The cashier guy asked me what kind of dressing I wanted, so I said fat free honey mustard. He stopped, looked down over me across the counter, and seriously said, "No. I'm giving you the full fat one. You need it." Oh. Ok.

I'm not used to complete strangers telling me what I should and shouldn't eat. Well, actually, he went a step further than advice-giving and outwardly refused to give me what I asked for! But I had to laugh! He had a lot of nerve. I'm admittedly not a very big woman, but I'm not withering away by any means either, so what the heck? Regardless, none of random man-behind-the-counter's business! Geez.

Anyway, I feel so lucky because I have the most beautiful tree right outside my window that's bright orange and red, and I stare at it all day when I do work. It's the nicest one in the whole development (I verified), and it's tucked back behind the building for only a few of us lucky ones to enjoy. It's pretty and makes me so happy.

Kimmy's wedding this weekend! Yay!

Sweet Tooth

Seriously, what is it about free food that turns us into greedy, pocket-stuffing little maniacs? Or, um, at least me, anyway? This week is "Student Appreciation Week" at the graduate campus so every night they've been putting out free drinks and junk food at this table when you first walk into the building. I went nuts. I stopped by before class, during break, and then again on my way out.

What the heck is wrong with me? There I am in class, stuffing my face, and my dad's mantra about junk food being nothing but "fat pills" creeps into my head. Thanks a lot, Sue. But somehow I was able to kick that thought quickly. By the last time I snuck up to the table, I wasn't even hungry. I took more just because it was there. No shame--I literally stuffed two candy bars into the front pocket of my hoodie, grabbed a water bottle, a bag of popcorn, and two college pens, just for good measure. I think I got the evil eye from one of the women putting out the food, but What. Ever.

It's like I've never eaten before. Well, I guess in my defense, I don't buy much junk food anymore, so when it was there in a big pile just begging to be eaten, I had to oblige. Multiple times. No wonder I feel like poo today.

Can't wait for class tomorow night--all 6 hours of it--gonna be a doowsy--I'm gonna wear a coat with lots of pockets.

Salt 'n Pepa

We took our little brother and his little sister out on Friday night. Love them! I just have to share some funny things they said....

When they first got to the house, they started fighting over whether or not Santa Claus was white or black. So of course they asked me. Aaaah! First, I said he's both. Then I tried, "What color do you want him to be?" Well that didn't satisfy them. Should have known--they're little kids and they want a concrete answer dammit! I was stuck. So to escape I played the Jew card and told them I had no idea, but that they better be good if they want presents. Santa and I weren't exactly tight when I was a kid, so how the heck should I know what color his skin is?

After go-karting, we took them for dinner, and I kept trying to offer food choices to the little one (which were all turned down of course). I asked if she wanted chicken, and she told me she forgot was chicken is. What?! She didn't know what chicken was? And no, this was not a child raised in a vegetarian household, so that excuse for not knowing doesn't fly! But suddenly, I found it impossible to explain cooked chicken. Seriously, all I managed was, "It's white." I didn't want to explain chicken as the live animal, because she knows what it is, plus it's just not appetizing to describe the physical features of the poor animal in detail while trying to entice a six-year-old to eat it! But finally she said no, she definitely didn't want chicken. She wanted hot wings instead. I didn't bother explaining....

Driving them through Baltimore on the way home, my little brother started pointing at the huge salt piles on the side of the road asking if I knew what they were. He was so excited to tell me that it's where they keep the salt and pepper. I started laughing, couldn't help it. "Is that so? I thought that's where they keep the salt for the roads in the winter," I tried. But no, he was insistent that it was the kind you could sprinkle over your eggs, and that yes, there were pepper piles there too (we just couldn't see them). Ok, fine.

Hehe, they're so funny. I love the innocence and curiosity and hope that they hold onto that for a long, long, long time.

Brevity

Zion National Park

But everything looks perfect from far away

Come down now

But we'll stay

Happy Halloween :)

heh?

A guy called me Shirley Temple today.

Compliment or insult?

Whatever, I'm flying high tonight. Aced my exam.

Gotta go catch up on Ugly Betty.

back

So I won 50 grand this weekend. Was glorious.

The trip was wonderful--family, friends, mountains, wild turkeys, big horn sheep, Joshua trees. You know, the usual.

;)

Zion was amaaaaazing--makes you realize how small we really are--helps put things into perspective I guess. So my first visit to Utah was fantastic, I must report. Can't wait to go back and explore more!! And, if you go to Vegas, you have to see Mystere! Unbelievable show, seriously. Good times. Ok, that's it.

blah, midterm tomorrow.

It's Finally Fall!

We just realized that we've been married for exactly six months today! Whoa. Can't believe it's been that long already. But I guess that's how it is when you're with the one you love...time just slips away from you while you live the life you've created.

I also think yesterday was the day we'd tentatively set as our wedding date when we first got engaged. I had my heart set on a fall wedding (I still got to keep my red theme, so it really all worked out ;) ), but sometime's you just gotta go with the flow as circumstances arise, and I'm so glad I did! I can't imagine having waited another six months to get married--then I might have turned into a full-out bridezilla, haha, focusing so much energy for so long on wedding planning. Six months of wedding planning seemed really rushed at the time, (and I had NO clue what I was doing) but I'm so glad everything turned out how it did. While not every detail can ever be perfect, it was truly perfect in it's way.

Changing subjects entirely....YAY fall weather!! Finally! The drive to Pittsburgh this weekend was lovely, and we had such a good time visiting with the family. Visits don't happen often enough. Was great to see my mom SO happy getting to visit with her cousins who she hadn't seen in years.

If I can only get myself to write my paper for school now......then Las Vegas here we come!!!!

Blah

No amount of coffee could keep me awake through 5 hours of class tonight! Ahhhhh.

So I made my first counseling tape yesterday. Giving a presentation to 300 people for work makes me less nervous than I felt yesterday before we taped the counseling session. I was sweating like crazy dude. I don't know if it was so much about the grade I'll get for it but more just wanting to do a good job, to say the right things, to really listen....and I thought it went really well surprisingly. Until I got home. And realized the microphone hadn't really picked up our voices. CRAP. I hate when I'm an idiot. You have to turn the volume all the way up on the tv to just barely hear the session. Oops. Gonna turn it in anyway and play stupid, like it worked on my tv when I volume was turned up. No way I'm re-recording it unless he makes me! Wish me luck :)

Before class, today was a great day off work hanging out with Rach watching tv on the couch, being bums. Sooo good to spend time with her.

Cheers to good friends!

No More Waiting

"Waiting like an iceberg. Waiting to change. But she's cold inside. She wants to be like the water . . . Most of everyday is full of tired excuses."

I randomly heard this song today (KT Tunstall), and the lyrics resonated on a very personal level. I think in many ways I'm waiting to change too. Not sure what I'm waiting for, but I am sure that it's easier to wait and do nothing than to really look inside myself and begin to change some of my thoughts and behaviors. But that's part of my self-imposed challenge--to really explore my own thoughts, beliefs, and values--for how can I truly help others in an genuine, non-judgmental way if I am not even comfortable in my own (pale) skin? And you know what? It's not as hard as I thought--although very much still a draft in process.....I'll stop there.

Anywho.....I was so happy to hear this week that Oprah's new book club pick is Love in the Time of Cholera. This has been a longtime favorite of mine, and I'm glad to see it getting the media attention it so much deserves. Gabriel Garcia Marquez's prose is so lyrical, emotive, and intense that it clutches the reader in its arms throughout the course of this turbulent and emphatically romantic love tale. It affected me in a way few other novels have managed. And that is that. Read it if you can!!

Yikes, the Bachelor's on! Gotta go.

Sustainability

I enjoy reading smart, succinct, and practical things. This is my friend Keith's blog. He talks about various ways we can help to create a sustainable future AND save money in the process. Good deal. It's really informative and delightful--check it out!!


Note: Besides this, please do not expect to see anything intelligent or in any way useful posted on my blog. It won't happen. My blog is intended to be a running journal of sorts. Whatever comes to mind, whatever mood I'm in, that's what you get. Too lazy to do any research or to commentate on politics, the environment, current events, etc. But if you need a celebrity gossip expert to stand in on your trivia team, I'm your gal.

Bravo

Lis sent this to me today. I almost cried watching it.

This is undoubtedly cliche, but here's my personal wish: May this set an example for others to stop focusing so much on their rigid political agendas and start to see the world first and foremost through the lenses of human beings.

Things would be so much prettier that way.

Song of My Heart

Let me tell you a story.

This will be sappy.

Sometime this past spring I was riding the metro to work, standing beside a middle-aged woman who was singing. The singing was audible but not loud, a beautiful tune with seemingly no words or perhaps words meant only for her own understanding. Her eyes closed, serenity spread across the woman's face. This continued for a few minutes, and I stood listening, glued next to her inexplicably, when I could have easily moved away to take an open seat. A few others stared at her, judgment in their eyes, presumably regarding her as "crazy." When she opened her eyes and saw me smiling at her, she shrugged her shoulders, offering, in broken English, "I can't help it. My insides are singing."

Wow. Witnessing her personal happiness was something I'll never forget. I smiled for the rest of the day. Really.

I still think about that woman and her singing the song of her heart on the metro that day. If only everyone could be so attuned to our own heart songs and learn to embrace them as this woman had, rather than silence, squash, or disgard them as unimportant.

This memory comes to mind because lately I've found myself so HAPPY, maybe even radiating a little from the inside. I'm not sure how to explain it, but things just make sense lately. I'm in love, treasure the amazing relationships I have with my family and my friends, and feel truly purposeful and driven career-wise for the first time in my life.

My heart is happy. And just maybe my "insides" are singing a little bit too.

Oh It's War

Final straw.

Today a loud thump from the friendly neighbors upstairs sent my open makeup bag flying off the bathroom counter. No kidding.

I found my mascara in the garbage can.

Pug discovered my lip gloss floating in the toilet.

WTF?

Now it's personal.

The Next Steffi Graf

Pug and I having started playing tennis, and I'm really good. Just not in a traditional sort of way. My form and technique are what you could call unpredictably unique. I tried really hard anyway. Luckily I sometimes have a very high tolerance for putting myself in embarrasing situations--and tonight was no exception. Ugh, first of all, my shorts were WAY too short and riding up the entire time (ouch, big mistake there, never again), so yea, not pretty for anyone except maybe my husband who maybe found it cute because it added humor to the rest of the situation, and second, I was flailing all over the place, fly-swating style, literally twisting in circles, trying to anticipate where the heck the ball was going so I could make contact. Which happened twice I think, only one of which went over the net. (ok, I might be exaggerating a bit). We were those people, who kept smacking the ball into everyone else's court the whole time. But we had fun so who cares? Last time we played tennis was on our honeymoon, and these mongoose were running amuck through the court--a little unsettling honestly.

If you have any tips on how to perfect my already pretty tight game, please send them my way. :)

(and just to clarify, because I have to, that's NOT me in the picture--but you get the short shorts delimma I was having)

Weekend Reflections

I was cooking a huge pot of green beans tonight after class, and it made me remember my blog today. And the beans were delightful indeed. A great stand-alone dinner, I'll say. Mmmm, now I want more.

Well, the long weekend was glorious. Too cold to go into the ocean, but we walked alone the beach on the army base, ate some yummy food, walked around historic Portsmouth and Norfolk, played on the swingset, and bought a plastic kickball at the dollar store and played with it in the park. It was a superb day off work, I must report.

Bec got a mountain bike! I haven't seen anyone THAT excited over anything in a long time-was really cute. And a great bike, indeed. I had a joyous time riding it all around the Target parking lot while they took an hour to figure out how to secure the bike holder-thingy onto the back of our car. Made me want a bike too--I just might look into it.

Then we got back to our apartment in MD at midnight this morning to the commotion of the woman below us screaming at the top of her lungs for someone to GET OUTTTTTT! Screaming and screaming, so Pug finally went down to yell, only to discover that she was alone and hallucinating. She is elderly and her husband has just died, we found out. After leaving her apartment, she momentarily quieted down but then started screaming again and banging the walls, trying to rid her apartment of the "intruders." Made me really sad. She needs help. Afraid she might accidentally harm herself carrying on and banging around her apartment, we called the police, hoping they'd send medical support, but only an officer came. We're trying to find out if she has relatives we can call to suggest they get her some help....it was a late night. But it made me even more eager to pursue my program of study...so that I can be a helper and have the knowledge, tools, and resources to at least refer people with psychological disorders to the appropriate people and programs.

Aw Heck

So not only did i NOT get fired this week, i got promoted instead. Sweet!! Yea, i bought myself a big, fatty blueberry muffin to celebrate. Pretty lame. Bar, anyone?


Working at home has proven to have one downside--well, okay, maybe more than one (such as loneliness, boo), but here it is:
The person/people who live above us clearly don't work and walk back and forth across their apartment ALL DAY. Must have restless leg syndrome and a hearty case of it. My apartment literally shakes during their continual and incessant pacing all day long. Not so good for my concentration. I can't remember the last time something got under my skin and irritated me so much. I just want to knock on their door and scream at them to sit the hell down for at least 5 minutes at a time so that I can have some peace and quiet down here! But I can't yell at them for walking around--I know they're not doing it to intentionally cause noise--plus, no need for me to make enemies so quickly--it's only been a week! It's not their fault the insulation sucks, but I do wish they'd get out of the house for a little or take really long naps or become addicted to watching soaps or find a day job or better yet, move out.

Granted, I work from home, so I don't have much room to talk, but I don't stomp around in big shoes all day, and I sit in one place for long intervals because I'm WORKING! What in the world are they doing? They better have the cleanest place ever, or they have no excuse for the constant motion from one end of the apartment to the other.

I went and complained to the front office today and told them that they need to have someone come check it out. It's driving me crazy, and crazy Sarah is no fun to be around. I need to go through all our boxes and find my earphones...I have a feeling they are going to become my new best friend.

Anyway, despite all this, I'm jollily looking forward to going to see Bec this weekend and enjoying Virginia beach without the crowd...even if the weather is gonna suck!!!

Happy weekend

L'Shanah Tovah

May this new year bring love, laughter, and forgiveness easily.

There are always things we can improve in ourselves, and this year I will take this very seriously, as it is bound to be one of self-reflection. . .

I have so many deeply good people in my life. If each of you could only know how much I appreciate and love you, not just for what you've shared with me but who you are as as a human being. And I will continue in my efforts to tell you. A girl can never have too large a collection of thank you cards to send.

I am grateful for it all.

beer

i need a beer. ( so i am drinking one--instant gratification is a must today). the last week has been rough. on so many levels. crap, is it seriously only tuesday?

change. so much of it. the past month has been incredibly tiring, exciting, but exhausting. crazy how sometimes when so many things change all of a sudden, we have to grip our lives tightly with two hands and just ride it out, because we know that if we let go, we will surely fall off, if even for just a few moments. it's like that right now for me, just hanging on, hoping that everything is flowing in the right direction. because it all happens at once. isn't that how it always goes?

keeping the job (for real this time), i just found out today, but working at home. i'll miss all my friends at work--you are amazing and have unquestioningly made the experience worthwhile for me. but i'll be back at least once a month to complain as usual and make you take random walks with me, so don't let them take my desk :)

school starts thursday. yikes!!

so tired. need to go numb my mind. reality tv should do the trick :)

peace out

Happy Friday

. . . . Enough said

Getting in Shape (or not)

I'm having a love affair with my new abs ball. It's great! So convenient with built in handles for gripping during exercise. It even came with a free workout dvd, complete with a real babe in spandex as the instructor. When he says I'm going to get rock-hard abs in six weeks, well I believe him. (If he said I would become a millionaire overnight and that I should quit my job and drink Mai Thais all day at the pool for the rest of my life, well I'd probably believe that too.) He's just so confident and convincing. Only problem is, you're spose to do cardio in addition to doing the abs dvd three times a week. And that's just too much. Does walking to work count? I log a good three-quarter mile each way from the metro. Somehow, I don't think that cuts it though. Boo, flabby belly it is then. Well, at least until school starts next month and I stop this crazy commute (doctor told me yesterday that commuting like this over time would take YEARS off my life! Yikes). When I start working from home, I'll have NO excuse not to get off my butt and go for a run before class in the afternoons. See, having a puppy would help.

On another front, packing is really a big ole pain. Boxes everywhere. At least we're throwing a lot out and donating as much as possible, including one of our cars. Oh yea--we bought a car last weekend!! Yay! It's new and blue. And we vow to keep it clean. It has bluetooth built in, so when your phone rings in the car, you can answer it through the steering wheel and you talk to the person through the car speakers! Awesome! still need to get used to that. Of course, I am not the one who gets to drive it on a daily basis, but that's fine--my little white bubble car suits me just fine.

Blah. Today has been so boring. Our little bro turns the big 1-1 this weekend, so hopefully we'll take him out tonight for a little late night clubbing in Baltimore. Er, I mean a rousing round of ski ball at Chuckie Cheese.

Mind the Can

I think we all have our little household quirks.

Like at my parents' house growing up, we kept (and they still keep) the trash can right in the center of the kitchen. Like right in the middle. Not discreetly placed under the sink or tucked up against a wall out of the way. No, their trash can forms a little island in the center of the tiny space, a barrier that all kitchen traffic must delicately maneuver (counterclockwise, that is--it's an unwritten rule). It's been tipped, its contents dribbling and scattering out everywhere, many a time by someone in a rush to get to the stove or the sink. You'd think we'd move it. The placement is so damn convenient and yet inconvenient at the same time. But it has to be that way. Every single time the house cleaner comes, she moves in up against the wall, hoping that by some chance of fate, we'll realize that it's less bothersome, not to mention less of an eye-sore in this location, and just leave it be, but it quickly finds its way back to the center of the room. And yet if I walk in and it's temporarily missing, like accompanying my dad on a 2 minute walk to the garage to empty into the larger trash bins, the kitchen feels strangely empty and off balance to me. I guess it's earned its prime placement, and the accompanying high status, in the kitchen after all these years, and it just wouldn't seem right without it there.

In our kitchen in Maryland, Pug insists on displaying this kitchen knife of his on the top ledge of our stove. He's really, really proud of it, (called a sambuko knife or something? All I know is that he spent way too much money on it), and so he displays it in its glorious rubber sheath for all to admire. All usually being just me. And you know what, I'm not impressed. In fact, I think it's weird. I think the knife should get the hell back in the drawer where it belongs. It must scare people who walk in to see this knife teetering on top of our stove, like it's ready for quick defense should an intruder or nosy neighbor come upon us. I've tried to move the knife to other less visible locations, but like the trash can at my parents' house, it always seems to find its way back. Sigh. For better or for worse, right? Some things you just gotta learn to live with. . .

I also need to add that said knife, like every other gadget that Pug insisted we buy, gets almost no use at all. Because. We. Don't. Cook. And yet, there it is, strategically placed for easy access, should the sudden urge to prepare a meal for his tired wife who gets home much later than him each evening, come over my husband. :)

Man Shower

Tep's out of the office for a while-supposedly getting married or something and then traipsing through the rain forests of Costa Rica. Lame. I'm bored, and he needs to get back to the office. I've actually got plenty of work keeping me busy this week, but I'm so used to having someone to chat to and sing with while we sludge through our day's tasks. "You're a rich girl, and you've gone too far..." just doesn't sound as good without my accompaniment. Well, he can make it up to me by bringing me back something hella cool from Central America. Like a shrunken head.

So I somehow found myself in charge of planning the games for his wedding shower, or man-shower (groom shower?) or whatever you'd call the thing we're throwing from him the day he comes back to work from his honeymoon. (Weren't we supposed to do this before the wedding??) Anyway, I'm having trouble coming up with ideas. My sense of humor is definitely workplace inappropriate, and while he'd appreciate the games I'd come up with, most of the older folk at work would most certainly not. But we need to embarrass him real good--he can handle it. If you have any good ideas, please let me know!!

Gotta go, lunchtime. . . . mmmmmm . . . . canned peaches

Memory

I was going to say that I've left this recent bout of seriousness and self-reflection behind me, but it lingers still.

I didn't get home til 9 tonight from work . . . LONG day. Sitting on the floor of my office tonight stuffing folders for a presentation, I listened to an old Guster CD (Parachute) that I'd found at the bottom of my CD collection in my car this morning. It's so incredible how putting in this CD instantly floods me with memories of my friend Dave, taken from us far, far too soon. An inexplicable feeling comes over me. What an inspiring friend and human being. He was truly Alive, you know, the kind of person bursting with energy, gusto, and determination in a way that many of us can only wish we were. I was and still am humbled by him and all that he shared and impressed upon me through our friendship as teenagers.

I was just talking to my friend at work the other day about how certain things like smells and sounds can overwhelm us immediately with detailed memories and connections to the past. And here it was, proving true yet again today. I found myself remembering how just a week before the accident, we'd gone to SuperFresh one weeknight, scouted out all the products with expiration dates past due, and piled them into our cart, knowing that per their policy, the store would have to give them to us for free. We were so excited, laughing and goofing off, driving all our loot home and then proudly dumping it all out on my kitchen table. We sat there feasting on a various assortment of yummy (and slightly stale) baked goods, feeling pretty happy with ourselves. Another exciting and perfect night with a good friend. That was the last time I saw him and the last memory I have of him. I only wish I could have held onto it longer.

Sadly, before today I hadn't thought about Dave in a long time, actually. It's amazing that six years have gone by . . . and yet time just keeps pushing on, forcing us to move forward and onward, even if we don't think we're ready, and on toward the crazy, beautiful, unpredictable maze that is our lives.

But listening to his favorite music today, I just wanted to stop. Stop and think of him and all that he was to us. And so I did.
And smiled, of course :)

Sitting on a Pizza Box In the Weeds

Becca just sent me an article from her local paper about trashing the dress because she knew I'd recently done this. It was interesting to read--apparently dress trashing hasn't really taken off in the Norfolk area--but the author certainly shed a positive light on this new fad, or whatever you want to call it. Everyone seems to have a strong opinion about it one way or another. Believe me, I've heard every reaction possible from friends and family upon their learning that I both trashed the dress and actually enjoyed it.

Like everyone else, here I am weighing in on the matter, so to speak. My two cents: I think it's a really personal decision. It's your wedding, your marriage, your dress. Do whatever feels right for you. That's it. Really simple.

For me, it was extremely liberating. I can't tell you how much! (nevertheless, I'll try) When I first found out about it on our honeymoon back in April, I was immediately drawn to the idea. It was something I felt that I had to do. It's hard to explain. But I needed to do it. It had to do with my being tired of being so predictable and rational all the time. It provided an opportunity for a much needed release after the total craziness that was wedding planning. And it was fun. So much fun. I just didn't care, and that was an intensely powerful and freeing feeling for me. Let your hair down, get dirty, jump in, I told myself. . . DO IT! And so I did :) It was fun wearing the dress on the streets and at the beach (although I seriously thought I might fall and break my neck tripping over that poofy, humongous skirt a couple of times!) I was so lucky to have my supportive husband right there with me as well as an amazing photographer who seeks beauty and art in the uncoventional. I loved every minute of it.

I'm keenly aware of the fact that I don't look like a lot of the beautiful brides on the trash the dress website (although I think it's great that they're all real brides as opposed to models). I'm not a blonde with perfect skin, an arresting face, and a voluptous body. I'm me. Imperfect and self-conscious and inquisitive and quirky. And that's okay. It didn't matter to me that day, and that in itself made it all worthwhile. I only hope that the photos capture that.

I had the love of my life beside me, and together we had our whole future spread out there on the vast sea before us.

And it was perfect.

Can't wait to see the pictures :)

Oh, and the dress? It's fine now. I know you were wondering.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

tonight, a poem


Watch

If I were a wristwatch
Gliding up and down your arm
with each movement,
Your gentle skin grazing my metal surface,
I'd beat for you each day
Calm, but never at rest.

Your fingers would circle my band
as you lift me from the bureau each morning
To reunite yourself,
Carefully wrap around your skin
And fasten my binding clasps,
Slide me slowly down to my Niche
just above your wrist.

Your eyes would meet my face twenty-
thirty times a day,
Staring often beyond, through to my interior,
Brown orbs following my graceful hands,
Steady as your pulse deep
Beneath your skin.
Reaching out from my center, each second pointing
To another part of you.

To be your wristwatch-
First touched in the morning
And last looked upon at night.

I just realized I've written two blogs about laundry! Gee, I'm really exciting. Who was it that convinced me to start a blog? Sadly, I'm probably living up to your expectations for it.

Squeaky Clean

This picture was snapped of me hard at work. I hate doing laundry. What a freaking chore--it never seems to end.

Pug is built like a linebacker, tall and broad-shouldered. I'm built more like a little chubby ballerina myself (of course minus the graceful element). My long chicken limbs are the source of considerable mockery (particularly from my sister!) at times. My clothes are about 1/3 the size of Pug's (and forget sharing a suitcase with him! I get no space). I can do a week's worth of my laundry in just one load. My husband's laundry pile, however, has me slaving over the washing machine for a whole day. Not even kidding. And, like many men, he claims he can't "do" laundry. It's just too complicated you know, and he'll inevitably mess it up and get yelled at. What a load of crap. For now, it's still my job, but if his clothes should mysteriously turn pink or perhaps slowly start disappearing over the balcony or something, well maybe I'll get myself demoted. Shucks. :)

Finding myself hanging out with my favorite pair of steel and porcelain appliances yet again today, I'm laughing about a time in college when my friend Ali came home from the supermarket happily announcing that she'd bought us some Durex to share. Not expecting condoms, I laughed and thanked her for looking out for my sexual health and protection. She had of course meant Purex, the laundry detergent I like, but had confused the names. So funny. She cracks me up even when she doesn't mean to--she can't get the names of things right, and forget trying to teach her a phrase or a saying because she'll always botch it, haha. I love her!

But I'm slacking. Gotta go fold.

************************************************************

Loving Life

Things are finally starting to fall into place just as they should. . .

Smiling. Blissful. Grateful.

*** So happy ***

Today has been great!!! My project directors have invited me to stay on part time at my company while I go to school! What a relief. Making money is a good thing. Working from home while in school and not having to commute 4 hours a day is even better. I also found out that the apartment we want will be available when we want it! Yay! We're moving on up. A two bedroom apartment sounds super luxurious, haha, after living in our current closet for the past two years. Loving married life :) Oh, and I'm getting a puppy. (Please help me convince Pug that this is a good idea--he keeps trying to appease me by offering to buy me a hedgehog--but it's just not the same)


Well, I'm off to fight the elements outdoors.

It's Been Great

I love my sister. She's one of the bravest and most strong-willed people I know. She has a strength about her that I will never have but will always admire immensely. Her commitments to the U.S. Navy, her family, and her friends, are truly admirable. She was recently awarded junior officer of the quarter at her naval hospital. Yay!!

She's always been a great big sister, making sure that she gets to make all the decisions and that I get absolutely no say in matters. She's never had a problem telling me what to do. She takes her role very seriously :) Haha, just kidding, but she does have the "first born" personality (if there is really such a thing) through and through!

I'm still mad though about the time when we were about 10 and 11 respectively, and she decided to grab my hotdog out of its bun and squeeze it repeatedly in my face before dramatically flopping it back onto my plate. Mmmm, yummy. My mom made her eat it, while I pouted and wimpered in the corner. To this day, I try to sit as far away from her as possible at BBQs.

But, Bec, all in all, I think you're great. You really are an amazing, inspiring sister and friend. (Oh, and also, I forgive you for deliberately throwing that horseshoe around my ankle as a child. The scar serves as a great conversation piece--so thank you.)

Honky Tonk Hubbalah

While in Nashville on business the other week, Tep and I ran into famous country western megastar, Moshe Mendalbaum, whom you might recognize as the poster boy for Tab soda. He was a diminutive man, but his presence was truly overwhelming. Just being within two feet of him was almost more than we could stand. He had a certain aura of greatness about him, while a slight aroma of rye bread and dill pickles seeped from his great white beard. Upon his head sat a modified yarmulke, which on closer examination turned out to be a tiny cowboy hat studded with pink diamonds, which attested to his fabulous wealth. Upon catching sight of us, he waved his scraggly elbows and ape-like hands (think Robbin Williams) to gesture us closer in a most grandfatherly manner. I asked him if he would sign my copy of his latest CD, entitled "My Girlfriend Mimi Left Me for Shlomo Finkelstein and Ran Over my Dog with my Pickup Truck But it was the Sabbath so I Just Stayed Home and Fixed a Reuben"-- You know, the type of album every red-blooded Southerner can relate to. It was great. We had a brief but stimulating conversation about the most efficient way to clean horse shit from the bottom of boots but were then quickly pushed back to the outskirts of the rapidly forming crowd. The noise erupting from the growing gaggle of big towering buxom women and the legions of little elfin groupies storming the country superstar was literally deafening. Wow, what a babe.

Tep and I returned to Washington, DC the next day a little more world weary but a little wiser just the same.

Gosh, I just love country music.

Mr. Laura Bush?

After yesterday's shenanigans, I feel compelled to write more serious post. I do have a quite serious and mature side you know :) So this one will be dedicated to my love for the coolest kid ever-- my little brother.

For those of you who may not know, we are a "big couple" to an amazing 11 year-old boy, and have been matched with him since he was 9 years old. He's so funny and clever and energetic--so inquisitive and so craving of attention. We just love that kid. (And seeing how great my husband is when playing with him and his little sister in our pool makes makes me all smiley)

We brought him to my friend's parents house the other night because I needed to pick something up. While there, I pointed to a picture of the friend's mother posing with George and Laura Bush at some White House function, asking my little brother if he knew who that guy was in the picture. "Him?" he asks, pointing right to Laura Bush. I lost it and couldn't stop laughing. He finally got it right once he realized I was referring to the president and not his poor wife (who is by no means masculine looking). She's actually quite pretty I think. Ok fine--she's no Jackie Kennedy, that's for sure, and she should fire her current stylist immediately, but still...

I know this is a shameless plug for Big Brothers Big Sisters, but it really is an amazing organization. I've been involved for over three years now and have had nothing but great experiences through it with my former little sister in Pennsylvania and our current little brother here in Maryland. The commitment is only a few hours a month, and not only will you brighten the life of a child, but you'll also learn a ton about yourself in the process.

Even if you have kids of your own, you can still get involved and become a "Big." You'll love it! Chances are you'll be matched with a child more interesting than your own kids anyway. Kidding, kidding. But these kids need us--they need adult role models to be their friends, to listen to them, to encourage them, to laugh and have fun with them. It's such a fantastic program. Check it out at http://www.bbbs.org/

As a follow up to my last posting, I thought I'd share an example of how truly wonderful my office mate is--he's just now sent me this thoughtful e-greeting card. It really warms my heart.


Haha, check out this website: www.someecards.com
Thank you, Keif, for sending it to me.
(warning: most cards are wildly inappropriate and you are sure to snort with laughter)

So You Think You Can Dance?

These photos of mine sum up life in my office. Keeping our noses to the grindstone. . .

When we first moved into our new office together this spring, my office mate, Tep, decided to barricade my desk and me in the back corner with packing crates, chairs, and other miscellaneous items from our office. Strangely, this did not bother or offend me in the least. It actually made me feel slightly more important--like I had a tiny office of my own. I liked the privacy. Plus, when people stopped by to talk to me, they couldn't tell if I was actually there or not--which I enjoyed immensely. Leave me alone please; I am very busy back here in my corner. We frankly didn't have the room to store everything we'd both accumulated from our projects over the past two years (well, that and we're lazy), so the crates hung around unpacked for a long time. For months, people would walk by, looking at all the crates and ask, "Just moving in?" Um, not exactly. Facilities finally had to come and ask for the crates back; apparently the company is charged weekly for renting them or something. Who knew?

Now that we've finally unpacked, the office is fairly clean, and I'm feeling out of place. Backwards, I know. Clutter just makes sense to some people.

On another note, Tep and I do have amazing dance parties in our office. Tep's trying to teach me how to dance like a normal human being. It's not going so well. We especially like to shut the door and party like rock stars to the tunes of Gloria Estefan, Hall and Oates, and occasionally a little Milli Vanilli when in need of a good pick-me-up. Good taste, right? With the exception of one casualty (knocking a lamp of a shelf and breaking it during our dance fever), our dance parties serve as lovely stress and/or boredom reducers with no harm done.

You Don't Want Blood on Your Teeth

Like many people, I'm always a little on edge when I go to the doctor, like I'm going to find out that something horrible and terminal is wrong with me. Of course, I find myself at the doctor all the time, but that's another story. (Some people say I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, but I don't know what they're talking about.)

Anyway, so I went to the doctor on Friday and was pleasantly surprised to be assigned to a very friendly and caring physician. She was about half my size, super sweet, and very motherly (which was a breath of fresh air after my scary encounter with another doctor earlier this year who insisted up and down that I was pregnant and forced me to get a blood test to prove it [without examining me first] because I came in complaining about a bout of dizziness following a very recent stomach virus. And, as I assured her repeatedly, it turns out that I was not, for the record, pregnant.) Anyway, so after seeing the doctor on Friday, she sent me over to get x-rays. The x-ray technician was also amazingly friendly and warm (We had a delightful bonding experience over our mutual love of flip flops). Although, while I was lying on the x-ray table, she complimented my flat stomach, which I found pretty amusing given the circumstances. I told her thank you, but that A) I was lying down, and B) I was holding in my breath as she'd instructed, so of course my stomach looked flat! I was flattered, nonetheless. (You can tell I'm not used to people in medical settings being very friendly toward me). But I'm getting side-tracked.

This seemingly pointless and boring recollection of events at the doctor is leading up to the final part, which is sadly only slightly more interesting.....So at this point I'm thinking my experience at the doctor's office was in fact one of the best yet, but when I step up to the pharmacy, my good mood quickly dissipates. The pharmacist herself hands me my prescription pills, saying, "Now you must take this with food." Yea, yea, I think--I always take them with a little food anyway. Sensing this, she continues, "Because you really don't want blood on your teeth."
"Excuse me?" I respond, flustered, for obvious reasons.
"Well, if you don't take it with food, you'll definitely get a nasty stomach ulcer, which will cause lots of blood to go up your throat and into your mouth. And you really don't want any blood on your teeth, because that's just nasty."
Yes, now the queasiness (hypochondria, whatever you want to call it) sets in.
"WITH FOOD!" she yells again after me as I leave.
Ok lady, way to scare the crap out of me! What the heck was that? Wouldn't "Be sure to take with food" have sufficed? No need to bring my poor innocent teeth into it and leave me with a haunting mental picture of me choking on my own stomach blood for the rest of the day....GROSS! I appreciate the warning, don't get me wrong, but this woman desperately needs some sensitivity training.

So there I am Friday night, frantically stuffing my face with pretzels and chips and anything I can get my hands on before popping the prescription pill, for fear that my teeth may get bloody. Thanks a lot.

The Metaphysics of Free Will

While doing the laundry a few minutes ago, I took a huge whiff of my husband's dirty underwear in an attempt to confirm that it had already been washed (it had not). What was I thinking? Needlesss to say, I am now extremely nauseous and will likely function significantly below my usual unproductive norm for the rest of the morning as I recover.

I was going to blog about something extraordinary, but now my head is clogged. Too bad. Well, in any case, have a lovely weekend everyone.

Living the American Dream

This posting is a tribute to my amazing husband, who is currently in bumble Virginia somewhere, peddling his wares to the locals.

I have to say how much I admire how openly and wholeheartly he embraces new things. He just jumps right on in. (I'm more of a toe-dipper myself.) He knew nothing about medical sales (especially OB/GYN products!) but has transitioned into his new job beautifully. And I think that's great. He can get along with just about anyone. It's his big smile, jovial personality, and warm heart that win people over I think. Ok, maybe it's the donuts he brings to the nurses, but that's neither here nor there.

Along those lines, he really wants this tee shirt that says, "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look." I actually think it's funny. I randomly saw the shirt for sale in a store in Nashville the other week, but unfortunately they didn't have it in his size.

So if any of you ladies are in need of a mobius retractor device for an impending c-secion, look no further.

commuting to DC

So I'm what Newsweek considers an "Extreme Commuter." I commute more than 90 minutes each way to work along with 2% of the other people in this country. We're quite an exclusive club you know. I think I should carry some sort of important looking ID card or something...

As I finally reach the light at the end of the tunnel and stop this ridiculous commute, I've been reflecting on some of the pros and cons.

Pros:
*I get to watch some great fights on the subway.
*I can read an entire novel, cover to cover, including the prologue, on the way to work each morning.
*I have lots of forced "me" time. Lots.
*I get sympathy from co-workers and can stay home in bad weather.
*I've now memorized every stop on the metro system. If you have a question, I'm your girl.
*I get to see a plethera of odd looking individuals on a daily basis.

Cons:
*The obvious: I waste four hours a day when I could (potentially) be doing something more productive.
*I'm always exhausted and could pretty much fall asleep at any moment.
*I inevitably arrive to work in a pissy mood due to a traffic or train delay, encounter with a most unfriendly commuter, harrassment by a homeless person or something along those lines...
*I'm too damn tired to exercise/move off the couch by the time I get home.
*I pretty much have no life.

Two years of it can really wear on you. I'm just glad it's almost over....


Oh, about the green beans in the URL.... they're only the best food in the world according to me. Strange but true. I never tire of them. Keep in mind that this is coming from a girl who never cooks, let alone attempts to. So they're pretty much a staple for me. Foie gras, cavier, truffles have nothing on these little green delights. Ok, they may indeed be considered better by those of you with more cultivated palates, but rest assured that I'll never know.