Spiraling Toward Mediocrity

Hello

2011-06-07T22:50:00.004-04:00

Hello old neglected friend! My how I have avoided you over the last year. But I have an excuse. Well, several. Things sort of fell apart, I had to start over, I'm learning how to live on my own, and I needed to find the courage to let myself feel happy again.

So here I am, back but undoubtedly changed. It has taken me a long while to come to the realization that I can never go back to being the "old me." In the course of everything that transpired, all the tears that were shed, the new quests, the risks taken, the heart given, I cannot possibly still be the same girl I was before this was all set in motion. I'd like to think I'm more brave than she was, more determined, even in the face of criticism and loneliness, to find my true path. But yet maybe a little more foolish too. I'm still "me," but a slightly less naive, more cautious me than I was before, but also a hopeful me that prays I will one day shed the shackles of guilt and let myself move toward the beautiful life.

What I have learned:

*Houses and "things,"e.g. throw pillows and wall art, may look beautiful but aren't true companions

*Once you close a familiar door, the person on the other side might never try to step through it again

*The loving friendship among girls is sacred

*Time does not always heal

*Courage and willingness to love can introduce you to beautiful new people

*I will be fine, great even

Who Knows?

2010-12-30T23:37:00.002-05:00

Ok New Year's Resolutions for 2011:

Be courageous

Learn to like mushrooms

Go zip--lining

Stop judging myself so harshly

Volunteer

Exercise regularly

Plant in my backyard

Take post-grad classes

Eat healthier

Get a summer job

Travel (cheaply of course)

new year

2010-09-08T18:30:00.002-04:00

What will it bring?

The past few weeks have been undoubtedly the hardest of my life, but they have illuminated what I already know: I am lucky indeed to have so many deeply wonderful, caring people in my life.

Here's to looking forward and not back. Here's to going through the very lows to reach the highs. Here's to figuring it all out.

Here's to courage.

Found!

2010-07-28T13:30:00.002-04:00

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

1:30 PM

Counseling Notes

The client has recently been "missing in action," or "MIA," as it has been termed, from her regular blogging antics. She appears to have developed a recent compulsion for home shopping, single-handedly moving large furniture back and forth, watching and re-watching mundane television programs, and eating obscene amounts of sugar-filled delights. Consumed by a somewhat new-found calling for decorating, she finds herself deliberating between the fresh appeal of the color "tangerine" and the soothing essence evoked by "apricot" (but then quickly loses focus and hunts for a snack). Unable to visualize in her head the layout and coordination of items, she splurges on unnecessary accessories in multiples colors and sizes at every local store within reasonable driving distance. Upon returning home, she piles her treasures up in the center of whatever room she is currently decorating, moves them around for several hours, formulates new ideas, heads out the next day to buy more, and then eventually returns nearly all purchased items, as she has changed her mind altogether.

The client also complains of physical and mental exhaustion. Pressed for more details, she provided her daily schedule: Upon waking up somewhere between nine and eleven o'clock, she enjoys a cup of coffee, consumes a healthy dosage of important updates from her favorite reputable website, www.people.com, and then heads out for an afternoon of shopping, swimming, reading, or chatting. She then returns to do some heavy cleaning (upwards of 15 minutes) and settles in for the evening with a bowl of cereal and whatever television programs might be airing. She repeats this the next day, sometimes adding in a leisurely stroll about the neighborhood if feeling particularly energized. Overall, the client reports feeling that she is overexerting herself and might need to cut out one or two activities in her packed day.

At my urging, the client promises to try to slowly return to her normal routine, including blogging on a somewhat regular basis, exercising, eating a vegetable now and then, doing schoolwork, and waking and sleeping at socially acceptable hours, as this might help her ease back into a healthier way of living. Updates to follow.

with sprinkles, no, without

2010-03-22T22:03:00.007-04:00

I just counted the number of books I am currently reading: five. I don't even have that many rooms in my apartment. They are scattered about, one in the bedroom, one in the living room, one on the kitchen counter, and one in the bathroom (yes, I read on the pot, and you do too, just admit it). The fifth is currently MIA but around here somewhere, I just know it. And yes, I am truly reading all of them, but in fragmented, hurried spurts. This speaks to the state of my mind lately--lots of different mental drawers are open at one time, and I can't seem to focus enough to shut a single one before opening another. Pretty soon the whole dresser will just topple over from the weight.

Pug and I were just discussing yesterday how lately my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I'm afraid that they just keep spilling out of my mouth as they come to me, and I can assure you that there is not one ounce of elegance to it. I am surely frustrating company for those used to following a logical thought process. I literally cut myself off mid-sentence, invent several new words a day by frantically combining several together, and jump from topic to topic like it's nobody's business. Even while typing this blog, I've gotten up three times when something new popped into my head.

School has been so busy that I haven't been able to keep up, which makes me feel overwhelmed, needed, and guilty at the same time. I think I need to try some of the deep breathing and focusing exercises that I teach the kids at school. Self--cut out all this "I need to carry the whole Earth, and maybe Saturn and Jupiter and hell, Pluto as well, on my shoulders" crap and just calm down and eat a donut.

It is this.

2010-03-16T21:26:00.002-04:00

At the end of the day lately, no matter how hard I work, I'm left with nothing more than the taste of my own selfishness on my tongue.

punctuality

2010-02-27T15:22:00.004-05:00

This week has been absolutely overwhelming. Some days here I don't feel busy enough, but this week I was lucky to eat lunch by 3:30. I need a pair of skates the way I run up and down the halls. I literally had kids lecturing me for not getting to them soon enough after they left notes for me. I want all of them to feel heard and important, but I think they forget there are almost 500 of them and only one of me. Two little girls: "Umm, this is the THIRD time in two days we came looking for you. You SAID we could talk!" I found myself hanging my head in shame and repeatedly apologizing for not being more responsible.

Anyway, I was hanging with one of my kiddos who is often very unpredictable and difficult to read, so I decided to give him a short learning styles profile and multiple intelligence assessment to gather more information about the best ways to work with him. I read him the questions aloud as he played with my big orange squishy stress ball and made farting noises into it with his mouth. Yuck. But I pick my battles, and this was not one of them. Anyway, one of the true/false statements toward the end of the multiple intelligence test was: "I am concerned about how others feel." When I read it to him, he looked at me like my head had suddenly sprouted an extra set of eyes. He replied, "No! I'm eight." Oh, honesty! Needless to say, interpersonal intelligence did not turn up as a particular strength of his.

This week I had two more, "I never thought I'd hear THIS in elementary school" moments. What is going on?! Some days I feel like a high school counselor and that my little people are so much older, more mature than their appearances would suggest. Despite anonymity, I do not feel comfortable sharing many of these stories here, but I am keeping a journal of the heartbreaking, strange, awkward, and of course funny occurrences that I have already occurred in my short 6 months on the job. I have never once felt bored. What will next week bring?

and I see you

2010-02-02T19:09:00.000-05:00

It comes down to this:

without you, nothing else makes any sense

02/02/2002

yours

my rear view mirror disappearing now

2010-01-28T20:00:00.011-05:00

It's finally here and we're seemingly worlds apart now. You have always been the protector, the trailblazer, and now is no exception. You are at this very moment making a profound difference for so many.

When I think about it, there's nothing I'd rather be doing than simply lying in the grass beside you embellishing tales from the past and weaving glimpses of the future.

My mind is heavy, but I look ahead to the days that bring us together. My dearest friend, you will never know how much I admire you for even the simplest things.

All my love.

Ovaltine

2010-01-06T20:24:00.004-05:00

I have daily breakfast duty at my school. It's a real treat. The smell alone in the cafeteria sufficiently stifles my appetite for at least 6 hours. This morning a child threatened to dump her carton of strawberry milk down my leg again. She got me real good before winter break--my sock and shoe were soaking wet for hours. Although I have to say that it beats having syrup dripped down your pants. I disliked that very much.

Today after the morning bell rang I was left supervising one dawdling little seven-year old. She is the long lost poster child for "ragamuffin." No front teeth, mismatched rumpled clothing, wild tangling hair, speech impediment....the whole bit. Anyway, she opened her chocolate milk, took a big gulp, scrunched up her face, and yelled, "This tastes like horse shit!"

"Excuse me?" I whipped around. She repeated it.

It was a full minute later before I figured out that she was trying to say "Hershey's."

Scrunchy face + disdainful tone + "hoorshee" = horse shit, no? Apparently not. And thankfully so, because I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face to reprimand her for such a comment anyway.

That's it.

Bartleby, the Scrivener

2010-01-03T20:39:00.008-05:00

I received an email tonight from a current student studying at my undergraduate college. She indicated that she was contacting me because she was interested in knowing how I had transitioned as an English Literature student firmly embedded in the world of academia to a working professional. She was seeking some worldly advice, as she found herself in the exact same position in which I had been upon pending graduation (please note: As a former English major, I never end a sentence in a preposition). "Worldly" being a synonym for my name, I am, of course, the perfect person to provide such advice.

Let's see. How do I use my undergraduate degree? Well, I read books occasionally (and by books, I mean celebrity magazines). And, I write. This blog, for example, is a direct application of the hard-earned money my parents so generously bestowed upon the advancement of my impressionable young mind. Amazing, right? Oh, but she wants to know how the degree can help her find a JOB in the REAL WORLD?

After further consideration, perhaps I shall just pretend as if I never received her email.

Speaking of job, I had better get back to writing my self-evaluation for my impending assessment, or yours truly might be back to pondering the same question as my new little college friend.

LB

2009-12-30T21:12:00.006-05:00

This is LB, my sister and B's new little rodent, er, puppy. When he's not biting your face or pissing all over your floor, he's actually somewhat adorable.

This is his first reaction to the crazy ball Suzanne gifted to him (can't imagine why she'd want to get rid of it...) We'd never heard him growl or bark before. Guess when you're 3 pounds, a talking golfball would be intimidating.

2010

2009-12-29T23:05:00.000-05:00

this year i realized that instead of fighting against it

i might just need to see it from a different angle

for it to make any sense.

we all find a way :)

Aeronautics

2009-12-28T13:59:00.002-05:00

Can't believe it's that time AGAIN! Ever diligent, I am sitting down to write my New Year's resolutions. I have to say I did fairly good on last year's....graduated from my master's program top of my class (yeah, I'm bragging) while managing to not get fired from my daytime job, thankfully received several counseling job offers, accepted a job at an amazing elementary school in the county I wanted, ran in a 5k, got a (slight) suntan, and, generally speaking, complained less than usual. It was a good/lucky year! I did not, however, even attempt to kick my caffeine addiction (coffee is my soulmate), locate my abdominal muscles, or manage to stop cursing. Well shit, who's perfect? Rollover resolutions...

Next up, goals for 2010!
Here goes:

Buy a house
Put down the donuts
Stop cursing
Expand my school's counseling program
Run another race
Cook a meal
Make (or pay someone to be) a friend
Find a new volunteering opportunity

Grow a backbone
Buy or steal a bicycle
Write more poetry
Learn to clean or at least better hide dirt

Well, that oughtta do it. It's a tall order, but I'm up to the challenge. For the first time in quite a while, I felt productive and accomplished in 2009.

By the way, you are all welcome to come to visit us in our new house (when and if such plans come to fruition). Keep in mind you will likely be asked to paint a room, supply and install a sleek new lighting fixture, build us a deck, or landscape our property should you pop by the new abode......you know, the type of small, not atypical requests made of houseguests. In exchange, you will be offered private use of the entire ground floor for your comfort and leisure. Please note, however, that as we are all aware, the cost of heating a home is considerably high these days, and quite frankly this just doesn't fit into our budget. Please dress accordingly (and bring food--I don't cook). I'm expecting an outpouring of visitors, so you are advised to schedule with me in advance.

Happy New Year!

How Can We Be?

2009-12-15T20:39:00.009-05:00

Now that my pretty little carpet has once again been urinated upon, I'm reminded that I haven't updated in a while. Last week I received my first holiday gift: a mug that says "Dentist." This gem was lovingly bestowed upon me by an adorable seven-year-old, who smiled sheepishly and proclaimed that she'd picked it out especially for me. How fitting. By the way, I'm closing the office for the holidays, so if you find yourself in need of an emergency root canal, it's not my problem.

Today I received a handmade card that said, "Happy Hanukkah," with a picture of Santa Claus beneath it.

I kid, but the mug and card are proudly displayed in my office--I truly appreciate both and love, love, love the children in my school. I have picked out more than a dozen I'd take home with me in a second.

Ok, I need to get back to pondering "how we all got here" so that I can get back to an anxious six-year-old with some sort of intelligible (or cop-out) answer.

Bye.

P.S. A young child walked out of my office a few weeks ago declaring that the hallway was "moist." How to respond?

Going Going Gone

2009-11-14T13:52:00.013-05:00

I am truly a model of dedication to serving the little people. Yesterday I spent over 30 minutes combing the hallway for a lost tooth. The poor girl had quite literally lost her tooth. Somehow while being closely examined by another six-year-old friend (eww) on the way to the nurse, the tooth slipped out of her hand and skid across the floor. Feeling mighty guilty, the friend was found doing quite an impressive split while frantically searching for the lost enamel gem. Of course the hallways have been cleverly designed to disguise dirt and any sort of small object with their multicolored speckled tiles. I ran to the custodian to borrow a broom so that I could try to sweep it up. Despite a valiant search with the giant broom, several minutes of crawling around on hands and knees, recruitment of kindergarten teachers, second grade students, and the assistant principal, the tooth was not found. Devastated, the first grader slumped back to her classroom sans the necessary evidence to present to the Toothfairy. I decided to write a quick note to her parents, explaining the situation, including, "I suspect that the Toothfairy will understand." I tossed and turned all night wondering if indeed the Toothfairy had graciously left a monetary gift despite the lack of usual exchange. Or perhaps my little friend awoke to find merely a note scribbled, "No deal."

You never know....in my experience the Toothfairy was rather unpredictable. I once received a fake coin (in exchange for the fake tooth my sister and I hid). Often I received an admonishing note indicating that my tooth was not up to cleanliness standards. You just never knew.

Fear Factor

2009-10-29T19:34:00.007-04:00

Ok I'm here to complain, something I do quite well if I do say so myself. I have been sick for six days, and my only souvenir from going to the doctor for advice is a pin cushion of an arm that is sure to turn a lovely shade of yellowish brown by morning. Why is getting blood work such a big ordeal for me? Those shy veins of mine get me every time. I even warned the lady that my veins are tiny and that I get worked up when people talk to me about how difficult it is to draw my blood. I believe my exact words were, "Please don't talk to me." Well, that fell on deaf ears. She took 10 minutes pinching and examining both arms. Then she stuck one arm, complained about what a slow draw it was, pulled the needle out, and waved the half filled vial in my face, saying in an accusatory manner, saying "Well! This just won't be enough!" Meanwhile, I'm trying feverishly to stop my legs from shaking so that the entire bed will stop rattling. Three needle sticks later, she finally gets what she needs out of me. My husband, who has been hiding on the other side of the curtain for fearing of passing out at the sight of my blood, finally pokes his head in nervously to see if the ordeal is over. Some help he is. He too has a intense fear of getting blood taken. What a pair. If I felt weak from not eating for days walking in there, I felt much worse walking out! On the positive side, this virus has done wonders for my figure.

Hoping things look up tomorrow!

Do as I Do

2009-09-29T19:35:00.004-04:00

A church in our town had the following message on its outdoor display board:

"Be gracious. You might be the only sermon someone reads."

I usually don't pay too much attention to these posted messages, but this one resonated for some reason. Every day I remind myself that for some kids, coming to school is the best part of their day. It's predictable, safe, orderly, inviting, and most importantly, there are adults there who truly care about them and their well being. For them, no matter what else happens at home, what they witness, what they live with or live without, school is a place where they are taught good character traits and encouraged to incorporate these into their self-reflections and interactions with others. It's easy to forget that kids are always watching us--if we don't model self-respect, honesty, and compassion for them, who will? One thing I promise to always do is to admit my mistakes to children. The only way I know to be gracious is to embrace my humanity and fallibility.

There's even a little rug for the bathroom!

2009-09-26T15:16:00.010-04:00

I had a ten year old student tell me yesterday, "No offense, but I want to see a professional counselor." Ha! Well excuse me and the entirely free and convenient services that I provide during the school day. Fine, bye.

These kids crack me up. I've now had my pretty new yellow chairs loudly farted upon, my checkered carpet peed on, and all the contents of my little fish tank dumped all over the counter and floor (thank goodness my little fishies are battery operated--they would've been goners). My room has officially been broken in (well, christened if you will) by many cute, germy, and somewhat nosy little children. I also have them to thank for my current illness.

Many kids come in and stare, and I mean stare at my dollhouse. Wide eyed, they ask, "What is that?" Um, it's a little house for dolls, not hard to figure out. I think they ask as a way of drawing my attention to their attention to it--letting me know that they would really, really, really like to be invited to play with it. I admit that some kids have even caught me playing with it when I'm alone in my office. I much enjoyed watching my husband assemble it a few weeks ago. Once it was completed and we were unpacking the furniture, he toggled between looking painfully bored and put out by having to help with such a project and excitedly picking up items and proclaiming, "Look at this! The lid to the grill opens! And look! Here's a little ladder for the bunk beds! Wow!" The novelty of it to a grown man who did not grow up with any sisters greatly amused me.

Fit

2009-09-17T19:05:00.002-04:00

I Love, Love, Love my new job. It is such a great fit for me.

This has been hopefully one of the hardest weeks emotionally that I will have to face this year (I have trouble imagining it getting worse), but despite this, I know when I lie down at night that I have tried my hardest to help the children in my school feel safe.

The giggles and hugs are priceless, and these help me get through the day with smile still planted on my face. I'm where I'm supposed to be.

I'm super appreciative of all the staff who have gone out of their way to welcome me and make me feel more at home. And it is indeed starting to feel a bit like home. Yay!

Care Bears and Booger Books

2009-09-10T21:32:00.005-04:00

Apparently my husband was none too pleased with the meticulous grocery list I left for him tonight:

milk
lunch stuff
fruit
dinner stuff

What? It encompasses everything we need. He feels strongly, however, that he is unable to enter a supermarket in earnest unless I have crafted him a detailed list of desired merchandise. Tonight my list wasn't cutting it.

I must remove my head from my butt and focus on something other than work. Like eating, and housework, and heaven forbid, fun activity. I seem to expel all my energy at school, getting to school, staying after school, and then thinking about school when I get home. Healthy, I know. It's that whole building the plane while you're already flying it thing....I'm trying to set up my office, figure out what I'm doing, plan my program, and meet the needs of all the kids. And I'm overwhelmed.

BUT...the kids are so darn adorable and loving that it truly puts a big ole goofy grin on my face every day :)

P.S. Thanks loyal reader, for sticking with me despite the hiatus and uber boring posts.

bye bye summer

2009-08-25T22:05:00.002-04:00

Let the craziness begin. We were all wandering around the "teacher" store today like zombies, shopping for our rooms. I could hear multiple people mumbling to themselves, everyone exhausted from a long day at work and what we knew would also be long nights planning. Ah, the good life. I admit that I'm incredibly overwhelmed and nervous, but at least I'm doing something that excites me :) More to come when I'm running on more sleep and have a minute to collect my thoughts.

When do we begin?

2009-08-03T22:36:00.015-04:00

I guess it really is tiny, incredibly ordinary events that can bring us back to the richest moments of our lives.

This weekend I happened to pass over Crum Creek, which we found purely by accident while driving through southeastern PA. We'd never been to this part of the state before and decided to find a park to explore and hike. I hadn't planned what would become my tiny, humble way of paying homage to my dear, remarkable friend, Dave, on the day after the anniversary of his death. Wandering carelessly hand-in-hand, poking around the ruins of 18th century buildings, appreciating the graceful bending of the trees, and admiring the adventurousness of a mother and child as they navigated their way across the slippery stones in the creek, we found something we hadn't experienced in a long time: tranquility. A few hours of repose amidst what had been a very unsettling week for us, it felt like being gently held in the palm of something so much greater than us. Something that whispered that not knowing the future is the only thing we really can know about the future. And somehow this was comforting.

This is my last week of what has been an incredible four-year journey of learning, both professional and personal in nature, camaraderie, and of course child-like goofiness. Although I couldn't be more excited and ready to embark on my new career, I know that I'm closing the door on something irreplaceable all the same.

Star Struck

2009-07-06T21:50:00.002-04:00

So the whole way home today I was craving, and I mean craving, pickles and oranges. Bizarre, right? And no, I’m not, to my knowledge anyway, pregnant. NEway…

Thanks to our awesome friends who shared their tickets with us, this past weekend we went to the national golf tournament hosted by Tiger Woods. It was a beautiful day and a lovely golf course. We were so excited to see Tiger Woods in action and to greet him up close. As he walked right past us at the 10th hole, however, I promptly leaned over and threw up.

We're sitting right up against the roped off course watching him tee off. I'm chugging a red Gatorade because it is so darn hot outside, but I get overzealous and accidentally dump half the bottle down my throat. Trigger gag reflex. My husband, blissfully oblivious to the fact that I'm barfing Gatorade all over my new white pants, starts smacking my shoulder, telling me to pay attention because Tiger is about to walk right in front of us. I am distracted, however, by the current yakking and subsequent ruining of my pants that I’m not at all aware, nor do I particularly care, that Tiger stands within 5 feet of us. Yep.

Does this story surprise you or seem out of character for me? Sadly, it seems to be par for the course of my life (ha!)

I recounted this at work today, and my coworker Rebecca quickly sympathized, saying something along the lines of "I found myself in a similar situation a few years back. When I saw Tiger Woods in person, I had poo squished between my toes." How unfortunate. Cue the obvious questions on my part (Poo? Whose poo?).

Well, that about covers it.

hired

2009-06-29T21:11:00.006-04:00

and

coming

into

own.

and waiting for it begin.

it's a calling, i think, in it's own way....at least that is how it seems. a career in which i believe i might find true satisfaction.

we'll see :)

I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me.

2009-06-04T20:28:00.006-04:00

Sometimes I feel really disheartened by the way some people treat one another in DC, particularly those with whom I come in contact using public transportation. Today a woman came out of the metro and starting yelling, "Tell them to hold the bus! Hold the bus!" as she hurried as fast as she could toward it. Yes, it was loud and a tad annoying for those of us around her, but she was clearly in a hurry. She seemed to have some sort of physical disability because her legs didn't bend much as she walked. She was trying to run, without much luck, toward the bus. The man walking in front of me, who weighed 400+ pounds and was using a cane to steady himself as he hobbled along, yelled at her, "Geez, get steppin, lady. For someone who wants to get that bus, you're sure not trying!"

Was that really necessary? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. If the tables were turned, I doubt anyone would yell at him if he were trying his best to get somewhere quickly. Or, sadly, maybe they would.

I think that is what happens when people turn their own dissatisfaction and misery outward, or maybe when we're conditioned to treat one another like objects to be maneuvered or manipulated on our way to and from work, instead of as people with lives, families, feelings. I'm honestly no different (except the rude part, which I am not). I avoid conversation because I'm so, so tired all the time, and it's just easier to shut myself off and read or listen to music or just think. The stimulation in the metro system is overwhelming. So I retreat into myself. It's just easier.

Goodnight.

Challah Back Y'all

2009-05-22T16:36:00.007-04:00

Today is the anniversary of the day I was expelled from my mother's womb, according to the heartfelt birthday card Tyler sent me. I'll be ringing in another glorious year of newfound stretch marks and wrinkles by attending a Kenny Chesney concert. Yes, despite popular belief, some Jews do like country music. And do wear plaid (all right, maybe that one's all me). And tonight we will be representing Jewish country fans across America (the other five are busy breaking bread with their ma and pa over Shabbat dinner). Can't wait.

Oh and I graduated last weekend. Woo! Here is my favorite photo from the glorious weekend of events. This was taken, supposedly of me, during the ceremony's processional. But what I want to know is who is THAT guy? And why is he posing? Oh boy.

Blame it on the A-A-A-A-A-Alcohol

2009-05-03T16:22:00.000-04:00

What a weekend! It began last night with drinks with, get this, Ben Stein and Karl Rove (what an odd pairing!) All right, I'm lying about the drinking part, but we did run right into them while buying gelato down in DC, and Pug got photos with them (I was, of course, too shy). He found them both quite nice and approachable. Oh, and Larry Summers was there too.

Then this morning we ran our first 5k in the pouring rain! I'm so proud of us--I admit I didn't think I could do it without walking, but it turns out that I can and did! Success! Hmmm, now on to a 10k? Nah.

First week back to work full time. Woohoo.

Oregano

2009-04-23T23:18:00.004-04:00

Bec has sent out the weekend itinerary. Each day begins promptly at 0600. I was even generously allotted three short bathroom breaks a day amidst all the scheduled activities. I am brimming with excitement and anticipation.

Yes, it is that time again....down to Virginia. Can't wait to celebrate Bec's birthday and see their new pad! Yay! It's wonderful to not have to shlep (I'm Jewish) all my schoolwork down with me and pretend to find time to work on it. I can just have fun with everyone without feeling guilty about neglecting other obligations. We get to see the ship Bec'll be stationed on for the next two years! Hopefully she gets a room with a view. HA.

Ok, gonna go eat a sandwich, bye.

complicated world

2009-04-17T23:53:00.007-04:00

A bird does not sing because it has an answer,

it sings because it has a song.

--Maya Angelou

sometimes the connections we make with people are instantaneous and unexplainable and more powerful than we could have thought possible. how fortunate we are to make these unexpected but somehow cosmic collisions with others while we're moving along our individual paths, leading to who knows where...but our lives are suddenly infinitely brighter for having been there.

i'll miss everyone at my internship school.

Ovaltine

2009-04-14T23:35:00.002-04:00

elated

our love is even better than chocolate

happy second anniversary to us

Botany

2009-04-04T18:52:00.002-04:00

So I was walking across the parking lot yesterday coming from the craft store, and I noticed that a guy driving by seemed to be petting something in the front seat next to him. Being nosy of course, I scooted closer so that I could peer inside. Expecting to find an adorable puppy or a small child, I was surprised to discover that it was instead a case of beer that he was lovingly stroking beside him. Wow, somebody was antsy to go home and get happy on a Friday afternoon! I started to laugh but then looked down and realized I was hugging the new pastel set that I'd just bought. Guess we share an affinity for PDA with inanimate objects. I went home and attempted to create a masterpiece. According to Pug, I fell asleep with purple pastel smeared all over my forehead.

Yay April! It means grad school ends, wedding anniversary arrives, and weather turns warmer. We took a long drive through the country today and visited some pretty gardens. I feel happy.

I am my own parade

2009-03-15T15:13:00.000-04:00

Final push, only two months to go and I'm through with school. I'm so incredibly tired and ready for the next step, but sad nonetheless that this period of my life is ending....it's been an incredible journey for me both professionally and personally, and I'm coming out on the other end more self-aware and confident, although I still have a long way to go....

Matthew, my dear friend and faithful reader, has asked if my blog will continue, and I answer with a resounding "YES!" It might even get less boring, imagine that. An added bonus. As requested, I will continue to post the photo results of my husband daring me to squeeze into small, not-meant-for-humans spaces, much like last year's dryer picture. I don't think I posted the one of me in the poster display carrying case at work. That was a real delightful feat. I'm going to break a rib one day.

Ok, bye.

The Half Worchester

2009-02-28T11:46:00.008-05:00

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but I still keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

-David Sedaris

Juuust kidding. I like you all quite well just as you are.

I'm taking a break from attempting to do country line dancing in my living room to play with the squishy green calculator Ray gave me. Pug has retreated to another room in fear. But he bought Kenny Chesney tickets for my birthday, yippee!

The snozberries taste like snozberries

2009-02-21T22:35:00.006-05:00

Oh Lord. My sister, dainty as a flower.

Here we have Bec in her new uniform (seemingly doing some sort of a Russian folk dance). Whooo boy did I laugh when she walked out wearing that ridiculous getup. We instantly nicknamed her Violet (from Willy Wonka, of course). This photo just does not do justice to the true massiveness of the uniform. It's gigantic, and about as FAR from form-fitting as it gets. But I particularly like the steel toed boots. Those are big time. Don't mess with her.

I'm glad she can laugh at herself, because she'll have the pleasure of wearing this daily for at least the next two years. Don't get me wrong--I have nothing but respect for our armed forces, but put a tiny girl in a big ole blue uniform, and who can help but bust a button laughing?

It's a long way down

2009-02-12T19:37:00.003-05:00

when we chip away at the surface, can we stand to look at what's beneath? the truth about ourselves is put right in our face, but we'll try to look in every other direction. i think it's about letting go and looking in, but i'm still figuring it all out. but keep telling it to me straight-- i need it.

happy almost weekend :)

How the Ford Flex Saved Detroit

2009-01-31T14:15:00.003-05:00

During a professional development seminar today I accidentally dropped my shoe into the toilet. There was no toilet paper left in the stall or paper towels in the bathroom, so I couldn't dry it off. So I squished back into the meeting, squirting toilet water out the sides of my shoe onto my nice dress pants with each step. Then my toes went numb from the cold, wet shoe. Then I ate lunch.

Priorities

2009-01-28T11:52:00.006-05:00

My first thought when I woke up today was not about school or work or personal safety out on the roads. It was "Oh crap, will they cancel the dance class?" I've looked forward to it for days, and I had to get there! Neither our walkways nor the roads in our apartment complex have been plowed, so skating to my car was the only option. The parking lot was literally sheets of layered ice. But I was called by a greater force to pick, jab, carve, and scrape until my car was unearthed from its icy lair. I thought I might die as I slid around the road trying to get out of the neighborhood, but I assured myself that the risk was well worth the reward. Arriving at the gym to see a full parking lot was like a beacon of white light amidst this gray, monstrous weather. All the other shopping center parking lots were nearly empty, but no, not the gym. Oh no, we will persevere! We will get those rock hard abs, come hell or . . . icy weather? I'm an idiot. (but the dance class was awesome)

I know the minute I get into the shower, the cable guy will finally arrive. Isn't that how it works? You give up waiting, move on with your day, and then there he is at the door, and well, there you are, dressed in your birthday best. Oh well.

It's Okay

2009-01-21T22:53:00.000-05:00

I spent so much time trying to be Right, that I was dead wrong . . .

I am growing. But I think I've come a long way.

Blue and Yellow Like Sprite

2009-01-20T22:18:00.007-05:00

Today my internship supervisor taught me the art of eating M&Ms in the proper order. Leave at least one color of each for last. Eat two at a time, and only consume color combinations that feel "right" at the time. I'm clearly learning a lot.

Haha, nah, things are grand. It is fun to be placed with someone with a similar sense of humor who loves his job but who, like me, doesn't take himself too seriously. I'm learning a ton every day, getting un-shy, and having fun. It's hard to be observed every day, but I'm getting used to it. But having to wake up and function at 5:30 in the morning is causing my precious few brain cells to fizzle out prematurely, I'm convinced. I'm worthless past 8 o'clock at night and consequently just sit here and write blog entries instead of being productive. Oh lord.

I am so so so antsy to go to the beach. No shoes, no shirt, no problems. Can't wait! Poor ghostly pale skin. I'll have to get a spray tan while I'm down there so that when I get back everyone can be jealous. And I'll of course casually act like I didn't notice I'd gotten any color. It's gotta look like the real deal.

So my invitation to the inaugural ball must have gotten lost in the mail. All dressed up and nowhere to go. Geez, Obama, is that how you repay me for all my brilliant strategic advice on improving U.S.'s delicate foreign relation policy with Laos? You can forget about your promised invite to our next Big Lebowski costume party.

Ok, that's all.

That Time Again

2009-01-06T23:33:00.000-05:00

New Year's Resolutions

(well, what I can come up with on the fly)

* Graduate and start a new job!

* Learn how to use my rice cooker

* Get my first suntan

* Develop a new hobby (other than keeping hourly tabs on www.people.com activity)

* Locate my abdominal muscles and coax them out of dormancy

* Kick my caffeine addiction

* Run some sort (any sort) of a race. Even a 5K will do.

* Stop swearing as much

* Love more, complain less

* Be more earnest

Happy 2009!

Scatterbrain

2008-12-26T23:13:00.004-05:00

The Hanukkah card I sent to Bec a few days ago came back to me in the mail today. Apparently I'd forgotten to write both her state and the zip code.

But she conveniently came to visit tonight, so I had the pleasure of hand delivering it (although I demanded my stamp back). It is lovely to get to spend the holiday with her and B and to introduce them to the tasty yumminess of Berger cookies. Mmmm. I am looking forward to celebrating B's bday tomorrow over Afghani delights and drinks downtown. It's fun to have visitors!

Whoa, look at me blogging twice in one day. Don't worry--it shalln't happen again.

Just Dance

2008-12-26T10:27:00.004-05:00

I'm in the market for a vacuum cleaner. And I'm nervous. I'm in way over my head. If you know me then you'll understand why. All these after-xmas-sales, and I'm just plumb overwhelmed by choices. Boo, wish I was shopping for something more exciting. Like a house.

I've spent the last two days cleaning up our office. I get obsessive about getting organized before I start a new semester at school, although once the semester kicks off, I retreat to the comfort of my shamelessly slobbish ways. I've always been a self-proclaimed packrat (runs in the family), but yesterday I had to stop and question my mental processing mechanism for having instructed me to hold onto some of the things I found. Three-inch frayed ribbons, broken pencils, ripped folders (nothing that tape can't fix!), calendars from 2005. Pug has learned that while cleaning, he can turn to me and ask, "Can you make use out of this (cracked paperweight) one day?" and I'll almost definitively say yes to anything offered up my way. It might be an illness.

Whoops, time to go watch the The View at the gym. I'm back on the Put-Down-the-Donut-Diet. So far, not working.

Getting Un-stuck

2008-11-23T00:51:00.010-05:00

My crazy desire to try to fit into small spaces...this is sure to end badly one day. I'll get my head stuck in the banister of a staircase and linger there for hours until my husband stops laughing and agrees to soap up my head and push me back out.

A new wave of goofiness has ushered itself into my life. So the blogging shall resume.

11

2008-11-19T00:32:00.002-05:00

When I need to write the most, sometimes I don't know how---I just can't find the words. Be still.

it's me

2008-11-16T15:50:00.003-05:00

i should start blogging again.... my impressive single digit readership has probably dwindled down to zero anyway, ha. i need inspiration.

Me-Maw

2008-09-14T21:58:00.005-04:00

What a great weekend with the grandparents. Shame it rained so darn much.

I am now procrastinating. I've been trying to develop a unit on tolerance for the first graders, but I can't seem to pull it all together. I have all these disjointed ideas but can't seem to get it together to organize them into sequential lessons. Can't wait to make the finger puppets though. I think that's what I'm looking forward to the most.

So I'm back in school. And working. And interning. Where oh where does the time go?

We finally got a new little brother for Big Brothers Big Sisters since our previous one moved away, so I'm really excited to take him out next weekend! Yes, I am going to try to be a decent Big to the little guy while juggling all the other balls I've thrown crazily up into the air. Also, I really want to go to the Renaissance Fair to people watch (and eat, of course). Folks from all walks of life make appearances at those types of events. Becky put the idea in my head, and hopefully she didn't go this weekend so we can all go together next weekend. And, I really want to go camping again, but Bec took her tent back. Poo.

I shall stop rambling now and go on with my lesson planning.

My new workout buddy

2008-08-26T16:42:00.006-04:00

If you couldn't prove me wrong by pointing out the obvious that John Kerry is in Denver, I'd start a rumor that he was kickin it at the gym next to me today. And, in my rumor, he'd be wearing shoooort shorts. I seriously did a double take when I saw this guy. Boo, I never get to see anyone famous. Well, actually, I saw Hillary Clinton on K Street last year while I was on the bus to work. She looked to be barking orders at two men beside her. Shocking.

Speaking of senators, and on a serious note, please take a minute to check out The Whole Child Initiative to support increased recruitment and retention of school-based mental health staff, particularly in low-income areas where the need is the greatest. I wholeheartedly believe that the support provided by school counselors, school psychologists, and social workers is critical to the academic achievement of all students. Please consider sending a quick email to your representatives and senators in support of this initiative. It'll only take a minute :)

How About Those Ravens?

2008-08-19T19:28:00.014-04:00

For some reason we talk about births a lot in this house. (Don't get all riled up now--I'm not pregnant.) But we talk about deliveries a lot, the different kinds, the most painful, grossest, easiest to heal from, etc. I generally get an unpleasant feeling just thinking about it. Gee, these conversations are probably a form of birth control in of themselves.

Anyway, the other night we were wondering what water births are like. It's supposed to be less traumatic for the baby and less painful for the mother as well. Sounds a little too perfect. So of course I look for things wrong with it. I really wanted to know how the deliverer (midwife, doctor, second cousin, whoever) knows what's going on down there if the woman's lower half is submerged in water. And I hear the room is supposed to be pretty dark too. Pug said they feel with their hands to make sure everything's all right and squared away for the little guy to swim on out of there and then they guide it out. No need to see what's happening. Really? I asked if they dunk underwater to take a peek for good measure while performing the delivery. You know, just to be sure all is going according to plan, and he said it's not like they suit up in snorkeling gear for the occasion. So then we got off on a tangent about snorkeling. And that was the end of that.

Forget kids, now I want to go on vacation.

For Clare!

2008-08-13T23:50:00.006-04:00

Because Jenny needs to be entertained, I will admit that at the gas station the other night, I pulled up and tried repeatedly to swipe my credit card in the little opening of my gas tank. Talk about trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. It was one of those "Ohhhhhhh...that doesn't go in there.....huh, I really just did that...and I'm an idiot" kind of moments. Okey dok, just fill up as quickly as possible and go straight home--someone's tired.

Maybe gas prices (or fumes) rendered me temporarily delusional. Oh well.

Home

2008-08-06T21:46:00.010-04:00

Today I was visiting with Jesse's grandma after a conference in DC, and I had so much fun spending time with her that I drove home with this big smile on my face. I thought, "Wow, I really must have made her day, surprising her like that with an unexpected visit." But then I thought, "No, she really made my day today." What a joy to be able to spend time laughing and just enjoying her company so immensely. She is someone I was immediately drawn to when I first met her years ago, and I feel so incredibly fortunate to have her in my life and in my family. I realized today that she has given me so much more than I could ever offer to her in return.

I've been thinking about family a lot lately. I dragged Jesse back and forth through half of Delaware this past weekend looking for my grandparents' old home because I wasn't sure exactly how to get there. It had been over 12 years. I have such warm, vivid memories of visiting as a child and playing in the kitchen with my grandma and nosing about their vast yard, poking my head into things while my grandpa worked outside. Well, when we finally found their old street and their old plot of land, their trailer was gone, hauled off and replaced with a sprawling new house and manicured front lawn. I don't know why I thought it would still be there, like nothing could have possibly changed. But I do know how momentarily empty I felt. Like my memories and truths had somehow disappeared along with the house itself.

I guess my mom was right when I called her and she told me you can never really go home. It just won't be the same. In that sense, our home of origin is not necessarily a physical place, but really a precious time of life, namely childhood, that slips through our fingers while we're busy looking straight ahead, trying to catch a glimpse of a shiny future. And home isn't just one place, but the many places and people and experiences that nurtured us as children and profoundly influenced who we were, are now, and are still becoming. So I guess it's never really gone, but instead changes as we grow, reflect, and recreate it time and again in our minds. . . weaving its way through the stories we tell about ourselves.

With that in mind, I'm heading home this weekend. Can't wait :)

Jitney

2008-07-06T11:39:00.009-04:00

Another glorious weekend! The sun, and the sand, and a drink in my hand....well, the sand part was true at least. It was super windy and not particularly sunny, but lovely to be on the beach with family nonetheless.

Bec's a lieutenant! Her ceremony was awesome and lots came out to celebrate her success! She's so cute in her little white uniform. She even deemed me worthy of removing her left shoulder board. What an honor. Bec planned a delightful weekend full of activities--my only complaint being that they started too early in the AM. Besides trying to spring our car from the impound lot and hangin at the police headquarters, we had a great time relaxing with family!

I think everyone had to try on my hat. They mocked me, but not-so-deep-down, they coveted it. I know it.

Kumbaya

2008-06-27T00:18:00.005-04:00

All hell seems to have broken loose round here. I fell asleep with Pug's red bowling ball beside me in bed the other night and didn't even notice. Which begs the question of why it was left there in the first place, but I didn't bother asking. Things are so hectic, and I'm always either at school, working, studying for something or other, writing a paper, or sleeping, so who has time to clean up anything around the house? Ok fine, and I'm lazy. All I want to do is go to the pool. I'm counting down the days (15) til classes are over. Can't wait to go to Portsmouth to see Bec and go to the beach next week! Yay for a little freedom!

I can't stop talking about going camping, seriously! I have a bug up my butt (haha, not literally this time!) and really, really want to go this summer. I have zero camping gear and no money to go buy some, so if anyone has a tent they could lend me, please let me know!

love notes

2008-06-18T16:52:00.003-04:00

I have the best husband. Here's the lunch bag he left for me in the fridge this morning. I just had to take a picture! I'm trudging through midterms and eleven hours of class each day this week, and he finds a way to keep me smiling. :)

PETA Wouldn't Like Me

2008-05-22T17:13:00.003-04:00

I think I just got a birthday tick bite. I just found a tick scurrying up my arm and now I'm frantically looking for his friends, who hopefully haven't joined him in his greed for a little O+ blood. Yuck, yuck, yuck. But we had fun burning him with matches. Should have thought to check myself for them earlier after prancing through the woods at noon.

Ugh, I really don't want to get Lyme Disease. Again. When I was fourteen I got bit real good right on my butt, of all places. Not a fun spot to get a huge red welt because you can't help but sit/lie upon it all the livelong day. Tee hee. I just remember riding the rides at Dorney Park in agony. Poor me.

Oh, thanks for the birthday messages!!!!

S'more What?

2008-05-13T18:21:00.006-04:00

I'm on a walking team at work--we're doing a 10,000 step challenge against 100 other teams in my company. Wanna know what we get if our team wins? Tee-shirts. Ooooo babbby. I WANT one!

We call ourselves team Chester Copperpot Howie Mr. Belding S'more What? We actually submitted that name to the HR department. It was a collaboration of sorts, as you can probably imagine. And I'd like to think we're gonna win. Our team is comprised of athletic people (I use the term loosely to include myself, of course). And we're hardcore. Anthea's kicking butt. She took 25,000 steps one day! How is that even possible?? That makes up for the 1,000 step day I spent walking from the couch to the kitchen to the bathroom and back. Just kidding. I've been walking everywhere! And wearing my pedometer at the gym of course. I took the trash out 4 times one day just to add steps. I'm a maniac---I'll do anything. Wish me luck!

Beany

2008-05-07T12:26:00.004-04:00

We'll miss you, little Bean.

In peace.

it's just . . .

2008-05-05T00:29:00.004-04:00

Only at our apartment would I trip and fall over a red bowling ball left absentmindedly next to the bed. Yes, it's time to clean up.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind (but a good, cleansing sort of twister) of finishing school, celebrating milestones, laughing crazily with good friends, and traveling to new places to visit those I love. (Ohio was much cooler than I'd imagined, I must admit.) Geez, and I thought my month off school was going to be quiet. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Success!

2008-04-23T13:10:00.002-04:00

I finally worked up the nerve to join the hip hop class at the gym this morning, and it was sooooo much fun! I've been thinking about joining for two months but felt too shy. All was good except I still can't do the shoulder shake thing, Tep. All those lessons in our old office, and I still didn't learn. Boo. But I'm proud of myself for going! These hips don't lie.

Clare's bridal shower this weekend yay yay yay! Hope you're ready for a crazy fun night!!!

Think About It

2008-04-19T16:16:00.005-04:00

Okay, fill in the blank!

If I were a pattern, I would be _______________.

I'll go first.

I'd be big green polka dots.

April 14, 2007

2008-04-12T11:46:00.003-04:00

Day of my heart.

mmmmm wedding cake

A Real Brainiac

2008-04-10T15:45:00.005-04:00

I'm not one for getting in the car and driving 100 feet if I can go on foot. Unless I'm carrying a refrigerator, I'm just not a fan of getting back in the car and driving four stores down in a strip mall.

Today I needed groceries and gas for my car. So I came out of the supermarket, put the groceries in the car, and thought, "Heck, the gas station's only across the parking lot, I'll walk." So I did.

Only once I was milling around the gas pumps did I realize that this idea wasn't my best. So I walked back.

Returning to the Womb?

2008-04-01T15:02:00.008-04:00

My mammy's back from China. Hooray. So excited to go home tomorrow!

I had an MRI done yesterday and I was neeeeervous. Some say it's like being shoved into a coffin. I agree. But it wasn't all that bad. In fact, some fleeting moments were downright pleasant. Like the loud noises. Most people complain about the noise, but I thought it really spiced up an otherwise snooze-worthy experience. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Like a nightclub, only you couldn't dance. I wanted to ask for the soundtrack.

It's the whole "I'm surrounded by this big hunkin thing and can't get out" thing that's scary. The tech person offered me an eye mask, which I gratefully accepted. This way, you can't see anything when they shove you in the tube with the ceiling only inches from your face. I'm quite sure I would have lost it if I'd kept my eyes open the whole time. Shutting them created the illusion that there was actually space between my body and the big ole magnet.

I write this to un-scare anyone who, like me, clams up at just the thought of having an MRI. I promise, if you shut your eyes the whole time, it's much more enjoyable than you'd imagine. I lived to tell the tale, and so, my friend, can you.

de de dee

2008-03-25T17:25:00.002-04:00

So happy that spring is almost here! Last weekend's weather down in Virginia was such a tease! We were on the beach in 70 degree weather, and people were out in bikinis!! Bec, I think I might be moving down. And I'll befriend that old guy we met at the park, who you refused to invite with us to dinner. Cold heart. :)

I'm excited for April--so many fun things coming up and so many people to see! And it'll be nice to go home, since we haven't been there in months. Can't wait to take a nice long walk in Tyler with my parents--I miss the familiarity and comfort of it.

This semester has been so much work but so much fun. Who knew I'd enjoy working with little kids so much? Gosh, I just light up every time I'm there! As usual, just when I think I've made up my mind, everything turns on its head. What an amazing experience!

Bad Joke

2008-03-13T23:44:00.004-04:00

Oh, hello, blog. I forgot about you, what with selling my soul to school and work lately.

I've been in some sort of stupor (still hovers). What a week! Boy am I glad to have three days off school next week. The Blockbuster movies are piling up for me, and Pug is impatient to send the chick flicks back so he can get his snoozyy foreign historical war dramas. I don't even know what that means. I think I'll make him sit through The Hours this weekend just to be a pain in the a. It's only my favorite movie.

I'm sitting in writing a paper tonight, listening to the Rent soundtrack. Yep. I know what you're thinking, and I'm thinking it too.

I took a break to eat an orange, and that's the most exciting thing that's happened to me in the past 6 hours.

Help!

For Sue

2008-02-28T22:08:00.003-05:00

I'm so proud of my dad. Today was Sue's retirement ceremony. It was wonderful to meet so many people who admire him as I do. And to see him honored many, many times as he deserves. Because he is immensely modest and talks little of himself, I was happy to hear so many people (including the admiral!) praise his accomplishments and managerial successes over the last 36 years. It was truly moving, and I know that I will remember this day, and how proud and happy I am for him, always.

My grandparents would have been so proud.

Goodnight.

eclipse

2008-02-20T22:21:00.005-05:00

things

are

falling

into

place

just

they

should.

I realized today that it's all about perspective. How you allow yourself to look at it. And today, it looks good to me.

Me Talk Pretty One Day

2008-02-12T11:45:00.001-05:00

Election Day.

Leave it to my mom to swoop in and convince me to change my mind two hours before I vote. And I was beginning to tout myself as a woman of strong convictions. Right.

But that's not what this entry is about.

Have you ever read anything by David Sedaris? I first read one of his books last year, and now I'm reading another. Gosh, he's funny. This semester is really stressful, but I read a chapter of Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim every night before I go to sleep and laugh so hard that all my troubles just magically melt away. (Not really). His writing style is so witty and sarcastic--love it!!! So SMART and for lack of a better word, real. Gotta lend it to Sue. Right up his alley.

This weather stinks.

That's all.

Hurry Up and Bring Your JukeBox Money

2008-02-03T14:46:00.001-05:00

Last night was glorious. Pug got drunk and did Spanish karaoke at a Peruvian restaurant. Well, okay fine, he didn't sing in Spanish (because he can't), because the guy had some songs available in English. We were the only native English speakers in the place. Pug got up there and gave a less then mediocre rendition of Love Shack, which he coupled with some equally abysmal dancing for our visual (dis)pleasure. Part of me thought, oh lord, make this song end now, right now. And the other part wanted the hilarity to last forever. Our waitress was beside herself laughing. To complete the picture, the CD was scratched, so it kept skipping and making all of these ear piercing squeaks and shrieks periodically throughout the song. Pug didn't even notice. Nor did he notice that although he was singing the right words, he was singing them at the wrong time and in the wrong key. It was grand.

2008-01-29T23:43:00.000-05:00

with him beside me, no matter which way i turn, i face the sun

i can't explain :)

How's My Driving?

2008-01-22T17:16:00.001-05:00

What happened to all the pictures on my blog from 2007? All gone? Strange.

Here is my tip of the day: If you're driving behind an 18-wheeler (that keeps changing lanes) with a sign on the back that says, "How's my driving?" but the telephone number beneath has been carefully scratched off, move! Clearly someone has had one too many complaints concerning his/her driving ability and needed to solve that problem fast.

Not that I have room to talk. I've had an interesting accident record. 1) Reversing into the side of a one-way bridge, 2) watching in horror as a wheelbarrow flies through the air and bounces off my hood, 3) slamming into one of those orange and white road block barrels that fell into the highway in the snow, 4) getting rear-ended by a kid whose scary father then called me using as many intimidation tactics as he could conjure. Technically, only one of those accidents was my fault. Still, wasn't taking my chances with that truck today--I like my head shaped the way it is now, thank you very much.

Who to vote for in the primaries next month? Gosh, I'm so torn at the moment. Been giving it lots of thought. If you want to try to convince me why one of the candidates is the best thing since marshmallow peeps, that would be fine with me.

Atlantis

2008-01-13T21:48:00.000-05:00

So I'm wading through all my emails from work--I actually LIKE having a pile of messages waiting for me--strange, I know--anyway, I'm going through and I get this one of one my supervisors at work, that starts out all business, yadda yadda, and then ends, "You're totally on the beach right now. You schmuck." A lotta nerve. And so true.

Anywho, here are some pics from our trip. We had a blast! But commuting to DC in freezing weather jerked me right back into reality. Sad.

True

2008-01-07T17:04:00.000-05:00

I have the best parents--not that I didn't realize it before, but the events of the past year have really opened my eyes to how truly amazing they are. I am overflowing river of respect, admiration, and love for them.

beach bum time

2008-01-07T16:44:00.000-05:00

Well happy New Year!!

So we leave for the Bahamas on Wednesday on the trip Pug won in a sales competition. Sweet! I have a stack of books I hope to get through on the beach, even though that's unlikely because you have to pry me out of the water. Can't wait to take our new camera and attempt to bring back some lovely photos of the island.

iPod, where are you? I need you for my trip. You've been hiding from me for at least a few months now. Probably rebelling from all the crappy music I put on there. Oh well, no airplane soundtrack for me I guess.

I'll be sure to come back nice and tan (or, um, red).

Tis the Season...

2007-12-25T15:50:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!! What a lovely, sunny day.

I watched A Christmas Story 1.5 times on tv today. I might watch it again tonight.

We spent the past few days visiting Bec in Virginia (Go Navy!), and then my parents came down (finally) to spend time with us in our now not-so-new anymore apartment ;) Twas all around a grand 'ole time, but now I'm exhausted from eating too many sweets and lying around watching movies. 'Tis the season.....for a double chin, as I say. Aw heck, that's what New Year's resolutions are for, right? Eat that fruitcake. Actually, it's narsty. Don't.

Speaking of which, I need to write out my resolutions (yes, I actually write them). I write down new things I did/learned in the previous year as well as what I hope to accomplish in the upcoming year.

Here's all I have so far.

In 2007, I:
*Got married
*(Nearly) Conquered my fear of shots/needles
*Realized that eating seafood is not entirely unpleasant
*Made a friend
*Enhanced my repertoire of dance moves
*Started graduate school
*Gained a better appreciation for classical music
*Moved from one overpriced area to another
*Discovered the location of Laos on a world map
*Started a blog (lame)

Tribute to Ant-tea

2007-12-16T12:16:00.001-05:00

Yay! She won the Volunteer of the Year award out of everyone in our company! Aww, I'm so proud :) Ah yes, another year at the company prom. Last night was fun.

Everyone looks funny here doin crazy dance moves. Who are these people?

Heck Yes I Did

2007-12-14T01:40:00.000-05:00

Made it through my first semester back in school!

The Good Life

2007-12-09T22:32:00.000-05:00

This process of the good life is not, I am convinced, a life for the faint-hearted. It involves the stretching and growing of becoming more and more of one's potentialities. It involves the courage to be. It involves launching oneself fully into the stream of life. . . The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.

--Carl Rogers

Happy Hanukkah!

2007-12-06T14:12:00.000-05:00

Our New Menorah

Happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate! It's awfully early this year, but this freezing weather and yesterday's dumping of snow sure made it feel more like holiday time. Happy, healthy, and bright holiday season to all!

Excited to go home this weekend!! One more final paper to write, two exams, and then I'm done for a month. Woohoo!

Reflection

2007-12-05T00:39:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those days where I felt pretty badly, questioned myself profusely, but found that at the end of the day things kind of made sense (unlike this sentence). I wrote about it in my head, wrote about it on paper, and geez, now here I go again.

I felt really badly after my presentation in class today, not because of how I thought I did (although that stunk too), but because of something I said. When I feel that I've done something to someone else that's unacceptable or wrong, if only by my own standards and even if the other person is completely unaffected, I feel it everywhere. In my gut, in my head. And that's how I know. The human conscience is so intensely powerful. I think it's what brings us to our knees when we've forgotten ourselves and compels us to make it right, if not this time, then the other times in the future. And although today has been tough, if I don't experience the emotions and question my own motivations, how will I learn? I'm feeling a bit better now (thank you Ali for the much needed talk!), because it has helped me realize a lot about where I am as a beginning counselor, and more importantly, about being true to myself and my character.

Then I came home and we watched The Namesake (rent it!), which really touched me, stirred up a lot inside, and left me crying through most of it. To me it was about finding yourself, the delicate yet messy complication of all the parts that encompass you and the person you are trying so desperately to be.

Even writing this blog has been so cathartic for me these past few months of transition. I'm myself in every line of it, and write on here with no theme or agenda. I can be serious, introspective, silly, tongue-in-cheek, and even release my oh-so-sarcastic side :) It's helped.

hmmm

2007-12-03T00:19:00.000-05:00

going. . . . .

going. . . . .

gone.

10 Years Younger....

2007-11-30T12:35:00.000-05:00

This morning the nurse at the doctor's office had to use a pediatric needle on me (will I never outgrow it?) to draw blood because my veins are so tiny and greedy and don't want to oblige any request. She pounded on each arm for a few minutes trying to evoke any signs of life in there and said it was easier to find veins in elderly people who are severely dehydrated than in me. Great.

Then later I was picking up food at a restaurant, and the cashier gave me this look and asked me how old I was. (why? I have no idea--wasn't buying alcohol). When I told her, she shook her head, and was like "No way. You can't be older than sixteen." Sorry to disappoint.

Anyway, this kid's ready for a super weekend! So excited to have friends come over tonight and tomorrow. Yay! Less excited to write final papers. Boo.

These past few weeks have been so, so great--I've gotten to see friends who I rarely see anymore due to distance, and it's been sooo much fun!! (but I suck at Guitar Hero). There's something about old friends who've known you forever and love you for all your crazy weirdness and you love them for theirs that makes life so much more full. Being with them is so comforting and wonderful and goofy. I'm really lucky.

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

2007-11-28T22:24:00.000-05:00

I'm so antsyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I can't sit still. Dragged poor hubby with me out in the cold air tonight cuz I needed to walk off my energy. For a long time. He finally made me quit and go back inside once our faces had completely frozen over.

I sat in one place w/o a break for five hours this afternoon working away at an oh-so-tedious last minute task that was due at COB. I had tunnel vision, going through documents trying to reconcile data for a report, and I wouldn't get up til it was all exactly in order. Perfectionist much? Not about most things, but I do get in moods.

So now all I want to do is run around outside!!!

That's all.

What's New is Old

2007-11-21T16:56:00.000-05:00

Pug ruined my brand new silk dress. Accident, of course, but I nearly had a heart attack! I'd bought it for myself on a whim last night while Hanukkah shopping (oops), and because it was no drop in bucket I had planned to keep the tags on while getting the opinions of him, my mom, and my sister. I tried it on before bed and asked Pug to get the zipper, not realizing he'd just thoroughly pampered his dry hands with moisturizing lotion. Well he grabbed that dress every inche along the zipper line up the back trying to close it. I know because it now has white lotion stains EVERYWHERE. Yea, not pretty, and bit too Monica Lewinsky-ish looking for my taste. And those darn stains would not come out. So, needless to say, I'm now keeping the dress and will have the unexpected pleasure of paying to dry clean it before I wear it next month. A real joy.

In happier news, we finally hung pictures from our wedding, etc. today. And of course it took forever because everything had to be perfectly straight. We used my prized laser level (which was the most thoughtful gift anyone's ever given me!!) all afternoon. So I was again in my element, and the dress incident is now (almost) forgotten.

The weather is simply beautiful, and we can't wait for tomorrow! Happy, happy Thanksgiving, all! All my love :)

I'm gonna go shopping again. Bye.

Professional Advice

2007-11-13T20:41:00.000-05:00

I stopped at Wendy's after school tonight to grab a salad. The cashier guy asked me what kind of dressing I wanted, so I said fat free honey mustard. He stopped, looked down over me across the counter, and seriously said, "No. I'm giving you the full fat one. You need it." Oh. Ok.

I'm not used to complete strangers telling me what I should and shouldn't eat. Well, actually, he went a step further than advice-giving and outwardly refused to give me what I asked for! But I had to laugh! He had a lot of nerve. I'm admittedly not a very big woman, but I'm not withering away by any means either, so what the heck? Regardless, none of random man-behind-the-counter's business! Geez.

Anyway, I feel so lucky because I have the most beautiful tree right outside my window that's bright orange and red, and I stare at it all day when I do work. It's the nicest one in the whole development (I verified), and it's tucked back behind the building for only a few of us lucky ones to enjoy. It's pretty and makes me so happy.

Kimmy's wedding this weekend! Yay!

Sweet Tooth

2007-11-07T13:55:00.001-05:00

Seriously, what is it about free food that turns us into greedy, pocket-stuffing little maniacs? Or, um, at least me, anyway? This week is "Student Appreciation Week" at the graduate campus so every night they've been putting out free drinks and junk food at this table when you first walk into the building. I went nuts. I stopped by before class, during break, and then again on my way out.

What the heck is wrong with me? There I am in class, stuffing my face, and my dad's mantra about junk food being nothing but "fat pills" creeps into my head. Thanks a lot, Sue. But somehow I was able to kick that thought quickly. By the last time I snuck up to the table, I wasn't even hungry. I took more just because it was there. No shame--I literally stuffed two candy bars into the front pocket of my hoodie, grabbed a water bottle, a bag of popcorn, and two college pens, just for good measure. I think I got the evil eye from one of the women putting out the food, but What. Ever.

It's like I've never eaten before. Well, I guess in my defense, I don't buy much junk food anymore, so when it was there in a big pile just begging to be eaten, I had to oblige. Multiple times. No wonder I feel like poo today.

Can't wait for class tomorow night--all 6 hours of it--gonna be a doowsy--I'm gonna wear a coat with lots of pockets.

Salt 'n Pepa

2007-11-04T19:08:00.000-05:00

We took our little brother and his little sister out on Friday night. Love them! I just have to share some funny things they said....

When they first got to the house, they started fighting over whether or not Santa Claus was white or black. So of course they asked me. Aaaah! First, I said he's both. Then I tried, "What color do you want him to be?" Well that didn't satisfy them. Should have known--they're little kids and they want a concrete answer dammit! I was stuck. So to escape I played the Jew card and told them I had no idea, but that they better be good if they want presents. Santa and I weren't exactly tight when I was a kid, so how the heck should I know what color his skin is?

After go-karting, we took them for dinner, and I kept trying to offer food choices to the little one (which were all turned down of course). I asked if she wanted chicken, and she told me she forgot was chicken is. What?! She didn't know what chicken was? And no, this was not a child raised in a vegetarian household, so that excuse for not knowing doesn't fly! But suddenly, I found it impossible to explain cooked chicken. Seriously, all I managed was, "It's white." I didn't want to explain chicken as the live animal, because she knows what it is, plus it's just not appetizing to describe the physical features of the poor animal in detail while trying to entice a six-year-old to eat it! But finally she said no, she definitely didn't want chicken. She wanted hot wings instead. I didn't bother explaining....

Driving them through Baltimore on the way home, my little brother started pointing at the huge salt piles on the side of the road asking if I knew what they were. He was so excited to tell me that it's where they keep the salt and pepper. I started laughing, couldn't help it. "Is that so? I thought that's where they keep the salt for the roads in the winter," I tried. But no, he was insistent that it was the kind you could sprinkle over your eggs, and that yes, there were pepper piles there too (we just couldn't see them). Ok, fine.

Hehe, they're so funny. I love the innocence and curiosity and hope that they hold onto that for a long, long, long time.

Brevity

2007-10-31T16:12:00.001-04:00

Zion National Park

But everything looks perfect from far away

Come down now

But we'll stay

Happy Halloween :)

heh?

2007-10-25T21:31:00.000-04:00

A guy called me Shirley Temple today.

Compliment or insult?

Whatever, I'm flying high tonight. Aced my exam.

Gotta go catch up on Ugly Betty.

back

2007-10-24T20:29:00.001-04:00

So I won 50 grand this weekend. Was glorious.

The trip was wonderful--family, friends, mountains, wild turkeys, big horn sheep, Joshua trees. You know, the usual.

;)

Zion was amaaaaazing--makes you realize how small we really are--helps put things into perspective I guess. So my first visit to Utah was fantastic, I must report. Can't wait to go back and explore more!! And, if you go to Vegas, you have to see Mystere! Unbelievable show, seriously. Good times. Ok, that's it.

blah, midterm tomorrow.

It's Finally Fall!

2007-10-14T15:51:00.001-04:00

We just realized that we've been married for exactly six months today! Whoa. Can't believe it's been that long already. But I guess that's how it is when you're with the one you love...time just slips away from you while you live the life you've created.

I also think yesterday was the day we'd tentatively set as our wedding date when we first got engaged. I had my heart set on a fall wedding (I still got to keep my red theme, so it really all worked out ;) ), but sometime's you just gotta go with the flow as circumstances arise, and I'm so glad I did! I can't imagine having waited another six months to get married--then I might have turned into a full-out bridezilla, haha, focusing so much energy for so long on wedding planning. Six months of wedding planning seemed really rushed at the time, (and I had NO clue what I was doing) but I'm so glad everything turned out how it did. While not every detail can ever be perfect, it was truly perfect in it's way.

Changing subjects entirely....YAY fall weather!! Finally! The drive to Pittsburgh this weekend was lovely, and we had such a good time visiting with the family. Visits don't happen often enough. Was great to see my mom SO happy getting to visit with her cousins who she hadn't seen in years.

If I can only get myself to write my paper for school now......then Las Vegas here we come!!!!

Blah

2007-10-11T21:56:00.000-04:00

No amount of coffee could keep me awake through 5 hours of class tonight! Ahhhhh.

So I made my first counseling tape yesterday. Giving a presentation to 300 people for work makes me less nervous than I felt yesterday before we taped the counseling session. I was sweating like crazy dude. I don't know if it was so much about the grade I'll get for it but more just wanting to do a good job, to say the right things, to really listen....and I thought it went really well surprisingly. Until I got home. And realized the microphone hadn't really picked up our voices. CRAP. I hate when I'm an idiot. You have to turn the volume all the way up on the tv to just barely hear the session. Oops. Gonna turn it in anyway and play stupid, like it worked on my tv when I volume was turned up. No way I'm re-recording it unless he makes me! Wish me luck :)

Before class, today was a great day off work hanging out with Rach watching tv on the couch, being bums. Sooo good to spend time with her.

Cheers to good friends!

No More Waiting

2007-10-08T21:38:00.001-04:00

"Waiting like an iceberg. Waiting to change. But she's cold inside. She wants to be like the water . . . Most of everyday is full of tired excuses."

I randomly heard this song today (KT Tunstall), and the lyrics resonated on a very personal level. I think in many ways I'm waiting to change too. Not sure what I'm waiting for, but I am sure that it's easier to wait and do nothing than to really look inside myself and begin to change some of my thoughts and behaviors. But that's part of my self-imposed challenge--to really explore my own thoughts, beliefs, and values--for how can I truly help others in an genuine, non-judgmental way if I am not even comfortable in my own (pale) skin? And you know what? It's not as hard as I thought--although very much still a draft in process.....I'll stop there.

Anywho.....I was so happy to hear this week that Oprah's new book club pick is Love in the Time of Cholera. This has been a longtime favorite of mine, and I'm glad to see it getting the media attention it so much deserves. Gabriel Garcia Marquez's prose is so lyrical, emotive, and intense that it clutches the reader in its arms throughout the course of this turbulent and emphatically romantic love tale. It affected me in a way few other novels have managed. And that is that. Read it if you can!!

Yikes, the Bachelor's on! Gotta go.

Sustainability

2007-10-05T01:43:00.000-04:00

I enjoy reading smart, succinct, and practical things. This is my friend Keith's blog. He talks about various ways we can help to create a sustainable future AND save money in the process. Good deal. It's really informative and delightful--check it out!!

Note: Besides this, please do not expect to see anything intelligent or in any way useful posted on my blog. It won't happen. My blog is intended to be a running journal of sorts. Whatever comes to mind, whatever mood I'm in, that's what you get. Too lazy to do any research or to commentate on politics, the environment, current events, etc. But if you need a celebrity gossip expert to stand in on your trivia team, I'm your gal.

Bravo

2007-10-02T19:55:00.000-04:00

Lis sent this to me today. I almost cried watching it.

This is undoubtedly cliche, but here's my personal wish: May this set an example for others to stop focusing so much on their rigid political agendas and start to see the world first and foremost through the lenses of human beings.

Things would be so much prettier that way.

Song of My Heart

2007-09-30T22:46:00.001-04:00

Let me tell you a story.

This will be sappy.

Sometime this past spring I was riding the metro to work, standing beside a middle-aged woman who was singing. The singing was audible but not loud, a beautiful tune with seemingly no words or perhaps words meant only for her own understanding. Her eyes closed, serenity spread across the woman's face. This continued for a few minutes, and I stood listening, glued next to her inexplicably, when I could have easily moved away to take an open seat. A few others stared at her, judgment in their eyes, presumably regarding her as "crazy." When she opened her eyes and saw me smiling at her, she shrugged her shoulders, offering, in broken English, "I can't help it. My insides are singing."

Wow. Witnessing her personal happiness was something I'll never forget. I smiled for the rest of the day. Really.

I still think about that woman and her singing the song of her heart on the metro that day. If only everyone could be so attuned to our own heart songs and learn to embrace them as this woman had, rather than silence, squash, or disgard them as unimportant.

This memory comes to mind because lately I've found myself so HAPPY, maybe even radiating a little from the inside. I'm not sure how to explain it, but things just make sense lately. I'm in love, treasure the amazing relationships I have with my family and my friends, and feel truly purposeful and driven career-wise for the first time in my life.

My heart is happy. And just maybe my "insides" are singing a little bit too.

Oh It's War

2007-09-25T22:10:00.000-04:00

Final straw.

Today a loud thump from the friendly neighbors upstairs sent my open makeup bag flying off the bathroom counter. No kidding.

I found my mascara in the garbage can.

Pug discovered my lip gloss floating in the toilet.

WTF?

Now it's personal.

The Next Steffi Graf

2007-09-24T21:58:00.000-04:00

Pug and I having started playing tennis, and I'm really good. Just not in a traditional sort of way. My form and technique are what you could call unpredictably unique. I tried really hard anyway. Luckily I sometimes have a very high tolerance for putting myself in embarrasing situations--and tonight was no exception. Ugh, first of all, my shorts were WAY too short and riding up the entire time (ouch, big mistake there, never again), so yea, not pretty for anyone except maybe my husband who maybe found it cute because it added humor to the rest of the situation, and second, I was flailing all over the place, fly-swating style, literally twisting in circles, trying to anticipate where the heck the ball was going so I could make contact. Which happened twice I think, only one of which went over the net. (ok, I might be exaggerating a bit). We were those people, who kept smacking the ball into everyone else's court the whole time. But we had fun so who cares? Last time we played tennis was on our honeymoon, and these mongoose were running amuck through the court--a little unsettling honestly.

If you have any tips on how to perfect my already pretty tight game, please send them my way. :)

(and just to clarify, because I have to, that's NOT me in the picture--but you get the short shorts delimma I was having)

Weekend Reflections

2007-09-18T20:17:00.000-04:00

I was cooking a huge pot of green beans tonight after class, and it made me remember my blog today. And the beans were delightful indeed. A great stand-alone dinner, I'll say. Mmmm, now I want more.

Well, the long weekend was glorious. Too cold to go into the ocean, but we walked alone the beach on the army base, ate some yummy food, walked around historic Portsmouth and Norfolk, played on the swingset, and bought a plastic kickball at the dollar store and played with it in the park. It was a superb day off work, I must report.

Bec got a mountain bike! I haven't seen anyone THAT excited over anything in a long time-was really cute. And a great bike, indeed. I had a joyous time riding it all around the Target parking lot while they took an hour to figure out how to secure the bike holder-thingy onto the back of our car. Made me want a bike too--I just might look into it.

Then we got back to our apartment in MD at midnight this morning to the commotion of the woman below us screaming at the top of her lungs for someone to GET OUTTTTTT! Screaming and screaming, so Pug finally went down to yell, only to discover that she was alone and hallucinating. She is elderly and her husband has just died, we found out. After leaving her apartment, she momentarily quieted down but then started screaming again and banging the walls, trying to rid her apartment of the "intruders." Made me really sad. She needs help. Afraid she might accidentally harm herself carrying on and banging around her apartment, we called the police, hoping they'd send medical support, but only an officer came. We're trying to find out if she has relatives we can call to suggest they get her some help....it was a late night. But it made me even more eager to pursue my program of study...so that I can be a helper and have the knowledge, tools, and resources to at least refer people with psychological disorders to the appropriate people and programs.

Aw Heck

2007-09-14T18:19:00.001-04:00

So not only did i NOT get fired this week, i got promoted instead. Sweet!! Yea, i bought myself a big, fatty blueberry muffin to celebrate. Pretty lame. Bar, anyone?

Working at home has proven to have one downside--well, okay, maybe more than one (such as loneliness, boo), but here it is:
The person/people who live above us clearly don't work and walk back and forth across their apartment ALL DAY. Must have restless leg syndrome and a hearty case of it. My apartment literally shakes during their continual and incessant pacing all day long. Not so good for my concentration. I can't remember the last time something got under my skin and irritated me so much. I just want to knock on their door and scream at them to sit the hell down for at least 5 minutes at a time so that I can have some peace and quiet down here! But I can't yell at them for walking around--I know they're not doing it to intentionally cause noise--plus, no need for me to make enemies so quickly--it's only been a week! It's not their fault the insulation sucks, but I do wish they'd get out of the house for a little or take really long naps or become addicted to watching soaps or find a day job or better yet, move out.

Granted, I work from home, so I don't have much room to talk, but I don't stomp around in big shoes all day, and I sit in one place for long intervals because I'm WORKING! What in the world are they doing? They better have the cleanest place ever, or they have no excuse for the constant motion from one end of the apartment to the other.

I went and complained to the front office today and told them that they need to have someone come check it out. It's driving me crazy, and crazy Sarah is no fun to be around. I need to go through all our boxes and find my earphones...I have a feeling they are going to become my new best friend.

Anyway, despite all this, I'm jollily looking forward to going to see Bec this weekend and enjoying Virginia beach without the crowd...even if the weather is gonna suck!!!

Happy weekend